Jet Force Gemini Scribes Excerpts
The following excerpts detailing the development of Jet Force Gemini was originally published on Rare’s Scribes letter page from 1998-2010. We’ve scoured each edition in order to provide you with every mention of the title to be found in Rare’s posted answers in chronological order below.
We’ve also included a link above each heading which will re-direct to the original letters page that the question was featured in should you wish to view it in the original context – otherwise you’ll find that the entries below only focus on answers related to Jet Force Gemini for a comprehensive listing for any fan wanting further information on pre-release content, hidden easter eggs, abandoned features and development secrets:
You clever Scribes you!
Sabrewulf was named after your old Spectrum game! The Klobb was named after Ken Lobb. The RCP-90 was named after the Reality Co-Processor which runs at 90 megahurtz. The AC -10 award was named after the old RPG armor code. My question? Please tell me more useless crossovers. Wait, that’s more of a request.
Ed “The Legend” Price; the–legend@juno.com
You again? You young rascal. There, look – we’ve named one of the lead characters in Jet Force Gemini after part of your email address. How’s that for customer satisfaction? And the Automatic Shotgun in GoldenEye was named after Arnold Utomatic-Shotgun, a long-serving member of the Rare canteen staff. I can’t think of any more.
Dear Scribes,
Let me start by saying your games crush all the competition’s, sorry, except for Nintendo’s own, and I never miss them!? I’s just wondering about the pics shown for Perfect Dark.? Are they renders, or are they running on an N64?? They seem a little too high quality, or the game is about 5 minutes long!? But I guess you never know, Rareware has done amazing stuff!? Also, any movies from Jet Force Gemini yet?? I couldn’t find them on any sites.? Oh, and another Blast Corps would be excellent!!!!
Cloud XIII (cloud_xiii@hotmail.com)
They’re definitely not renders. I’m not quite sure what we’d gain from faking screenshots, except a reputation for being big fat dirty liars (which we seem to have already, judging by Andrew Ferguson’s letter).
Seems like no other sites have posted the E3 video of JFG yet – dunno whether they will at some point in the future. As for us, well, movie files are something we’re looking into. I suppose we should have them really, but we’re too tight to pay for the extra drive space. We’ll see what we can sort out.
Dear Scribes,
Alrighty, you wonderful Englishmen (or whatever you may be) who don’t take their website seriously, I’m kind of looking forward to Jet Force Gemini, so I have two questions, one, will you actually, literally be able to “kick monster’s faces off”, or is this just one of your little sayings, like “dinkers” and “elastoplast”? Next, this one is more of a suggestion than a question. Ok, I noticed on one of the screenshots a gun and a number next to it. PLEASE DO NOT PUT AMMO IN THE GAME!! I’ve had my share of great games, and when I say this, I think I’m speaking for a lot of people… from what I understand, a great element of a game like this is total carnage. That doesn’t mean blood and guts or anything, it simply means walking into a place and blowing everything in it up. The use of limited ammunition would somewhat hinder the ability to do this. To make it easier, just think of Contra 3, for SNES. So save some memory space, take out the little gun and ammo, and make the enemies a bit tougher. That was your only flaw in Banjo-Kazooie, but I won’t get into that.
Well anyway, thanks for reading,
Jake Byrd
P.S. Mr. Pants kicks some serious arse.
We certainly do take the web site seriously, you young pup – just not over-seriously, that’s all. And when was the last time I threw ‘Elastoplast’ randomly into a sentence?
Precision fire in JFG certainly will allow you to separate parts of the aliens’ anatomy. As for the ammo question, though, we can’t help but suspect that the game would be a bit easy with infinite Death Splat Arse Detonation bombs in your possession at all times. Limited firepower on the bigger weapons is all part of the strategy, after all. Let’s compromise – I’ll pester the designer not to put a limit on bog-standard pistol ammo. How’s that?
Dear Scribes,
I’ve noticed an unsettling feature in Banjo-Kazooie, and I fear that this trend may parade into your future games. Tiptup and Gnawty the beaver were both in Banjo-Kazooie. Then I got to thinking. What if you put Rare characters in other games they are not supposed to be in? I’ve had erotic visions of Pipsy the mouse in Jet Force Gemini, and I can’t quite seem to get the dang gone picture out of my head. Then I wondered if Gobi the camel would show his ugly hiner in JFG. What if you stuck any old character in any old game, just because you guys were feeling frisky? You see, I’ve made it my life goal to get every game that Donkey Kong (the new Donkey Kong, not that horrid piece of terd Mr. Miyamoto created), Diddy, Dixie, Kiddy, Cranky, Wrinkly, Candy, Swanky, Funky, Banjo, Conker, Tiptup, Kazooie, Timber, Loggo (the most emotionally gripping character ever concieved by mankind), Krunch, etc., is in. I won’t buy any Rare game that doesn’t have one of those furry little pests in it, and I was wondering, no, I was demanding for the good sake of the Lord almighty for you to announce before hand on your website that a character would make a guest appearance in a game. Maybe I just need to go take a laxative and forget the whole thing. But then of course the demons would visit me again, wouldn’t they? And then I would send them after YOU.
SirSlush2@aol.com
You’re determined to squeeze yourself into as many editions of Scribes as possible, aren’t you, Slushy-Boy?
Thing is with all this character crossover business, the teams usually keep these little details to themselves until the last minute anyway. But basically, when a team stays together for a second game or a designer starts work on a game along similar lines as one he’s done before, there’s a fair chance that one or two previously established characters will crop up. Hence, for example, Gnawty in B-K (same designer as DKC), and some others that I can’t mention yet…
Why is it none of you can spell ‘turd’?
So yeah.
You guys are pretty good at games, I reckon. Surely you must be tempted into expansion into new areas. Churn out 1 top quality RPG per year, and you would make most N64 lovers happy for a very long time. I am about to finish Zelda64, and like everyone else that has had the good fortune to play it, I am amazed.
It really is head and shoulders above everything else on the system, would you not agree? I know you guys have got your Goldeneyes, DKR‘s and Banjo Kazooies, and very nice they are too. But cmon! This game, it must scare the living daylights (do I need a Bond license to say that) out of all other developers on the machine (yourselves included, deep down in places you don’t want to talk about at parties…….!).
How can it be topped? Now I know you’ve got PD in the works and DK64 or whatever it’s called (tell the truth, you haven’t even started it yet, have you?!), along with JFG and Conker 12 Tales or whatever it’s called (I’ve read its JFG in disguise btw, an internet rumour perhaps?) but ZELDA64?!!!! I reckon you lot should play it, finish it, then close Rare down, move to Wales and take up sheep shearing, along with everyone else developing on N64……..
Oh, before I go……how long (approx.) do you think it’s going to take to finish JFG with all secrets and everything? Thanks very much…..
The Youth
Are you having a pop at the Welsh, pal? I’ll take you all on.
RPGs: Unless we put absolutely everyone in the company on it, I doubt it’d be possible to get a ‘top quality’ RPG together in just one year. Zelda: Of course it’s good. What did you expect? Certainly a benchmark if we ever do release an RPG. JFG: I’d ask the designer, but he’s gone home for Christmas. I know he intends to get plenty of use out of each and every level, though…
Dear Scribles,
Is there possibly any cure for my ailments? How can I live with this world of worthless games?! Sure, a few are good (BK, DKR, G-EYE, Zelda64, Rouge Squadron, etc…) But what am I to do after I beat them after three days of owning them? Oh woe… What am I to do? Buy the players’ guides just so I can find out that I already have ALL the secrets? Or simply kill the main character as many times as I can in three minutes (as I always do)? HELP I NEED A GAME THAT CAN NEVER BE BEATEN! I NEED SNUMPY CHUMPY! I NEED A TIP TUP GAME, AS LONG AS I CAN KILL HIM! I NEED A CHALLENGE (at a low cost please, I’m not made of money, you know)!!!!!
Sorry about the screaming, it’s just the boredom.
Amanda Schroeder
A game that can never be beaten? Don’t want much, do you? Get yourself a rickety old console/computer and a shedload of cheapo games to go with it – that’ll keep you occupied for far longer than a single N64 game, and probably for a similar price. Then buy Jet Force when it comes out. Obviously.
Dear Scribes,
What the heck happened to Floyd? In all the screenshots he appears to be a cute little blue guy with a big smile, and then the new wallpaper comes out, and it looks like Floyd is going to eat ya! “Rar!” says Floyd now, “Rar!”
ExoByte
He does, too. Look, he’s doing it up there at the top of the page. “Rar!”, he’s saying. “Rar!” Does it frighten you? Well, if you’d read up on Mr. Floyd you’d know that he started life in Mizar’s troops, so the slightly scary appearance is obviously a remnant of those dark times. Look, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Hi,
I heard that you guys actually released a game once, is it true?
March, June, September, October – Here’s some screen shots to get you excited, oh wait, think we’ll delay again, oops, sorry about that, we’re sure you understand… Well guess what Rare I don’t, I respect your talents and professionalism and of course I’ll buy JFG when it’s released, but f_ck you guys are frustrating.
The only reason I haven’t left Nintendo behind is Rare. I’m a programmer who can afford to buy a game if I want it, this year I have bought one. This does not make me happy. Especially considering I’m waiting on five from you, I assume Twelve Tales will star Conker’s son?
Congratulations by the way on scheduling all of your games (along with everyone else’s) on top of each, so that the enjoyment of one is bound to suffer as the next big thing is released.
Did you know people play games all year, not just at Christmas, astonishing yet true.
I guess what I’m saying is don’t say anything until you’re almost ready to release… you’re pis_ing me off.
Mark Willis
Sigh. If it upsets you that much, nobody’s forcing you to wait – but no amount of hassle like this is going to make us release a game before it’s properly finished. That’s just how it is. Dismiss it if you like, but at the end of the day it’d be the public who ended up with less than they bargained for. Maybe if you saw the time sheet of one of the JFG or DK64 staffers at the moment, you’d realise just how damn hard we’re working to get these games out. Thanks for your ‘support’.
Dear Scribes,
Congratulations. Rare is, in my view, the best third-party manufacturer of console games, period. Innovative, interesting and always fun to play. My modest collection of N64 games includes every title made by Rare.
I was quite disappointed with the recent announcement relating to the revised characters in Jet Force Gemini. In my view, the “new look” of Vela is patronizing to men, insulting to women and offensive to everyone. The decision to portray Vela with disproportionately enhanced breasts, a wafer-thin body and short, tight skirt sadly perpetuates the objectification of women, and young girls in particular. She’s a child, for Christ’s sake.
I realize that the decision was probably based on the demography of your target audience. But it’s still quite disappointing to see a company renowned for its standard of excellence release a character that is so cliché (haven’t we seen her a thousand times before?) and derogatory. Surely, you can set a better example and help mitigate the Neanderthal treatment of women.
I can’t wait for Donkey Kong.
James Roberts
Clearly you’re joking. Clearly nobody in their right mind would accuse the cannon-toting, death-defying heroine Vela of being “patronising” in a time when you can’t move for far more artificially promiscuous and incapable ‘damsels in distress’ wailing at every turn. She’s not “a child”, and it’s frankly ridiculous that you’re taking issue with her now when she wore exactly the same uniform in her previous, younger incarnation. “Disproportionally enhanced breasts”? Excuse me? The character has been aged. These things happen. And you should really try playing the game before leaping to conclusions about our motives. In the meantime, comments from the rest of our readership on the validity of Mr. Roberts’ claims are welcome, though they’ll no doubt be dismissed as the rantings of naive children…
Dear Scribes,
Yes, we all had a good laugh putting scary Floyd at the top of the Scribes page. It took me a few hours of therapy to make it past the top of the page, ha ha Mr. Rare Man. But let’s see who else is afraid of Floyd: Obviously, Floyd will remain evil and Mizar-like until JFG is released. Please see the attached clip scanned in from my local paper. People have gone as far to call Floyd a “Hurricane” of evil. His proplusion device has also been recorded as making winds up to 155 mph (312 hectacres per liter in metric). The Bahamas is in a state of emergency, and all of Florida has been evacuated. Floyd even went as far as to close down Disney World (similar to the Euro-Disney Empty Lot attraction near you) to make children unhappy. Also note the picture of Andrew Altee, knowing that Floyd likes to eat lifegaurds, and their stations. Also notice the quote, showing that residents can now only hope for divine intervention to save them from the “Rar”master.
The second page of the article (not scanned in), goes on to mention how Floyd’s constant “Rar”ing (Floyd’s “Rar” sounds something like a cross between Timber’s “rAR” he makes when he gets passed and the Gruntling’s “rarr” they make when they notice Bird/Bear hybrids) has caused many pets to run away in fear. It also mentioned that Rare was entering a strange promotion with Maytag, in the first ever promotion to cross the VideoGame-HomeRange barrier, with the Maytag Gemini (gemini.maytag.com).
ExoByte
I’ve no idea who Maytag are, which is probably for the best if that serial killer on their homepage is anything to go by.
Anyway, this is clearly all a big jolly jape on Floyd’s behalf – he wouldn’t hurt a fly really. Blow an ant to bits, maybe, but flies are alright. I mean, look, Geoff Pearce clearly knows the score: old Floydie’s just having a laugh, pelting the fun-loving Bahamians with overripe fruit produce in an attempt to liven up their day. And what Mrs. Minnis actually said was “Only dog can save us now”, meaning Lupus had joined in the fun by taking sides with the capering island residents. It’s really quite straightforward.
Dear Scribes,
I was wandering around Tawfret a little earlier and found an amazing artifact in the castle ruins! I ran down a hallway lined with pillars and torches, and there it was! An ancient inscription on the back wall that bares the likeness of the beloved Mr. Pants! Did the past inhabitants of planet Tawfret worship him as a god? Or was it the Drones, bored of waiting for the Jet Force team to arrive, who drew the underdressed surveyor on the wall with a sharp stone? Or was it the captive Tribals, who saw Mr. Pants as their last hope for rescue?
Cliff Campbell
Dear Rare,
I am struggling to keep my composure long enough to type well with my excitement over discovering your little secret. I’m probably not the first to say (I never am) “Did you really think you could hide this from me? WELL? Did you think I wouldn’t find MR. PANTS?!?!” My first reaction happened to be AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Then I thought, “Wow, I might be the first one to say something about this amazing discovery.” Now you know that half the population of this planet will be thinking, “Why on earth is there a picture of a half-naked man on this game?” But I know, and you know, and YOU the reader know that it is the one and only MR. PANTS? And though I haven’t seen Floyd say RAR yet, I am hoping that it was added at the last second…
Amanda Marie Schroeder, a.k.a Kablooie, evil twin of Kazooie
(Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!)
PS: Floyd looks like an arse with tail lights.
Ah, you two don’t know the half of it. Such is the sweet innocence of youth… I know there are plenty of dedicated headhunters out there who’ve already discovered Mr. Pants’ very own game mode, but I’ll keep quiet for now so as not to spoil the impact of one of the single best throwaway game features of all time. And it doesn’t matter that about 90% of people playing the game will be totally confused when they stumble across it, because everyone reading this will understand, and at the end of the day you can’t beat a good old-fashioned stupid in-joke, eh?
Dear Scribes,
Hi. I’ve just started at uni, and all of the drinking and stuff – great, eh? Anyway, I’ve met someone downstairs from my flat who is just AMAZING at Goldeneye – he has every cheat, every level and every mode, using the two joypad method. Why is it in life that when you think you are good at something (00 Agent Control), you find someone better than you? Anyway, I beat him on multiplayer. Heh heh heh.
My questions are the following:-
- Will PDhave the two joypad player method?
- Isn’t the hands-and-face-through-door bug really funny in Goldeneye?
- Will PDmultiplayer have a Licence to Kill option under a different name? Pretty pretty please!
- Will PDbe as tough as Goldeneye (a good thing)?
- Why is that Banjo-Kazooie looksand sounds nice, but that the levels are too small and it’s much too easy? Please tell me that Banjo-Tooie, Conker 64 and DK64 will all be much bigger and harder (oo-er).
Thanks for your time – I worship Rare. Without Rareware.Com, the world would be a much worse place. Cheers.
Delegate! Delegate! Where’s that designer? Aha.
“1. Yes.
“2. That depends on who you are.
“3. Yes, possibly something like ‘Killing License’. Or maybe not.
“4. Yes, arguably tougher. But at least twice as good.”
If it’s sheer size you’re after, DK64’s your man. Monkey. Thing. Jet Force is pretty hefty too, and I’d imagine B-T’s going to be a considerably larger beast than its predecessor. So you size freaks are pretty well catered for all round…
Dear Scribes,
Jet Force Gemini. Honestly at first I didn’t like this game, I trashed it. What a Sean Williamson I was, let me tell you. This game is an enthralling, immaculate piece of art. If you are reading this and you have any doubts about getting this game, don’t think twice. Get it now, after about 2 hours the genius unfolds. Rare has done it again and this game without a doubt will sit beside your Goldeneye and Banjo-Kazooie and porno movies with prestige. Thank you Rare. Thank you thank you thank you. Quality first always, I can’t believe I ever thought you’d let us down. I was feeling quite low when I picked up this game but it’s filled me with absolute gameplaying joy. By the way are you the voice of the girl in the game, Leigh Lovelace?
StarScream
P.S. I can’t wait for Honkey Kong64.
Stop it. I was approached to do voice samples for Mr. Pants, but I didn’t feel that I was worthy of even attempting to fill the big man’s shoes. If he had any. Which he hasn’t, because then he’d be Mr. Shoes. Oh God, no – you can get rid of that Mr. Shoes 64 mock-up right now, okay?
Glad you liked Jet Force, anyway. It turned out pretty much as we’d hoped, so it’s good to see the old trooper getting some positive word-of-mouth.
PS. Give us a chance to finish Wan- (No. – The Management)
Dear Scribes,
So. JFG, huh?
Dave and Barry, huh? What did these guys do to get a racing game named after them?
Just one Mizar token a play, too, huh? Obviously, American influence hasn’t hit Mizar’s domain, where the games cost a whole dollar to play. Geez.
So, no cage dancers at the Big Bug Fun Club, either? Makes sense, given the fact that these guys are spawned and there is no, how shall I put this, mojo going on, eh baby? Eh? Wink wink? Nudge nudge?
Where was I?
Anyhoo, JFG‘s dead good. Insert “Oh, cheers.” here. This is why I keep coming back to you guys. You can take a serious war, saving planets, killing gross bugs, and then you pull a funky dance club out of your arse, and kick the hilarity up several notches.
‘Kay. That’s all I had to say. So, just go on home now. Go on.
Scott Zdankiewicz
Oh, cheers. Who’s Dave?
I’m sure we could have squeezed some nubile, gyrating Drone lasses into the Big Bug Fun Club if we’d really wanted to, but there was no sense in attracting more censorship than strictly necessary (I’m still bitter at having to tone down Diamond Geezer’s authentic Cockney patter – “Sorry guv, I’ll be needing a Lady Godiva before I can help you out” – and some of Fernando’s more enthusiastic praise for the Specialist Magazine).
Hi there ya Brit,
I’m going to put numbers beside my comments/questions so I can keep track.
- First off, I was just checking out the FAQ. I think it’s nice that you guys let people use your pictures on their own web sites as long as they respect your copyrights.
- Who the heck wrote the FAQ?… They actually respect the developers, games and fans. I never thought I’d see that on a Rareware site.
- What the heck is with the cheats in JFG. There better be more then 3. Sure the Mr. Pants cheat is one of the best cheats of all time. But that still doesn’t let you off the hook with only 3 cheats. There better be Unlimited Ammo and Invincibility in there somewhere!
- Thanks for making earn the cheats rather then putting in some lame-ass code.
- Thanks for keeping so many of the cool things about this game a secret.
- Wouldn’t it make more sense to call him Mr. Nopants. Just look and him!!!… HE HAS NO PANTS!!!
Flyersfan
S. I can’t wait for your first Dolphin game.
I’m not going to number my answers, because I’d rather squash them all together in a big bunch to upset your obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Jet Force isn’t exactly short on cheeky secret goodies – as the designer puts it, “Mr. Pants is the last word in cheats, there is tons of hidden stuff, and you must be a gibbon to need Invincibility and Infinite Ammo.” As for the FAQ, its very purpose is to clarify popular issues and forestall the most commonly-asked questions in as polite a way as possible (if only that worked in practice as well as it does in theory). And Mr. Pants – au contraire, sir, he’s wearing nothing but pants (and a bowler hat, though Mr. Hat is about as catchy as Mr. Shoes), so the name is only logical. It’s Mr. Trousers that wouldn’t have made sense.
Dear Scribes,
While I eagerly await Monday (or Tuesday depending on shipment punctuality) to play Jet Force Gemini for untold hours, I read the review NextGen magazine has (as they are probably the most objective source in the media). It appears that the basic gripe that the reviewer has is that JFG is TOO LONG. what?! WHAT?! No one has EVER said a game worth playing is too long, it isn’t possible, you never say “dang, if only there was less of this game, I wish I didn’t have anything to come back to later! Stupid replay value! Damn more game for my money! Freakin’ able to always come back for more!” Ahem… anyway, I would guess the reviewer was just scared of Floyd and his “Rar”ing. Bravo for making a game impossibly long on a “limited cart-based system”. I nervously look forward to it.
ExoByte
Yep. It’s “too long” and there’s “too much gameplay”, apparently. To this day we can’t work out how the various worldwide Testing departments managed to miss such glaring flaws. Still, the majority of reviews have been overwhelmingly positive, so you never know, we might still get away with it. (Sigh.)
Hideee Ho,
I’ve been playing JFG for over a week now, and apart from loving it (another quality title – good work fella), I was interested to know whether the Widescreen option just squashes the image or actually expands the viewing angle and lets you see more on the edge of the screen? If so, looks like a new T.V. is on the cards, Doh! I mean Wohoo! Also I must give a special shout to the sound on JFG, absolutely amazing, the Dolby surround kicks the proverbial ass. More of it please. Will DK64 and PD have Dolby surround and Widescreen support?
Love to stay and chat some more but Tribal hunting I must go…
Bobby Dazzler
Official word from the JFG team is that yes, the Widescreen option does expand the viewing angle. No confirmation as yet on widescreen support for the other two games you mention, but Dolby Surround’s a cert. Big posh tellies all round, everyone! Huzzah!
Dear Scribes,
JFG is a superb game. One question though. When I heard that the chief bad guy’s name was Mizar, I thought it sounded perfect as an evil king type person. A few days later it hit me. Prince Caspian’s uncle in The Chronicles of Narnia was an evil tyrant called Miraz. Did the name, perchance, stem from that fictional character?
Samir Rahman
Er… no. It’s just the name of a star, man – a star which happens to have a twin star named Alcor, who was going to make an appearance as Mizar’s comedy drunken general before we decided that perhaps this wasn’t such a great idea after all.
Dear Scribes,
I am just writing in to confirm something that both I myself and a fellow Scribe have noticed. [The fellow Scribe being the long-named “Amanda Marie Schroeder, a.k.a Kablooie, evil twin of Kazooie (Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!)”]
She spake thus, saying: “Floyd looks like an arse with tail lights.”
Yes! She’s right! And so am I! I am even working on a whole designer range of panties and pants featuring the evil arse-droid Floyd, for the use of such people as Mister Pants and Mrs Pie.
Also, to allow for people like Ms Dark, Orchid, and Uncle Tusk on Saturdays who wear top-body undergarments too, there will also be an exciting range of Floyd “Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder” brassieres and corsets.
Please print this letter – I believe that through this innovation I am well nigh one step away from Ms Karen in New York and messieurs Gaultier et al in gaye Paree.
Cdvile
PS Would you like me to send you a concept picture of the J.F.G-string I have planned? Enough to make the eyes water, my dears!
Why would the endlessly talented Mr. Pants and his good lady friend need to rely on any third parties to design their kegs for them? Anyway, such natural modelling chic would simply overshadow anything developed for the mass market. And as far as I know, Floyd’s rectal resemblance is purely accidental – if any of us had noticed it before, he could have taken an active role in the top comedy pointlessness that is Ants Into Pants mode.
Dear Scribes,
Geeyod I love JFG! All the excitement of collecting those furry Tribals (which by their actions and the need to be collected, I have determined that they MUST have evolved from Jinjos, and Jeff from Mumbo) and then killing those nasty ants! ¡Squash! Ugh, now I have to clean my shoes, those are some BIG nasty ants! And then my little TANK DOG! Roof! Yip! Awrooo! Go Lupus! And Vela! Swim! Don’t breathe, just swim! Who needs that lousy air? Not you! And Juno! Uh, yeah, Juno… You have a woman’s name! Go JUNO!
Whoever designed the Water Ruin, please thank them for me. If anything I have ever seen in a game that could be called beautiful, that was it. The sky, the water, the ruins of the castle (even the skull hearth) all of that touched me like no other image has. (I think it might be because I had dreams about a place like that for a week straight about a month ago…) Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the Water Ruin.
Amanda Marie Schroeder, a.k.a Kablooie, evil twin of Kazooie
(Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!)
I forwarded your praise onto the JFG team, and word from the designer suggests that “the artist concerned is deeply moved”. Ahhhh. However, I really think we should nip those Tribal evolution theories in the bud right now before we bring chaos and ruin down upon ourselves – as if the whole ‘Mumbo is a Jinjo/woman/Kremling’ thing wasn’t bad enough…
And how do you know that it wasn’t the Queen of the Roman Gods who had a man’s name, eh?
Dear Scribes,
Wow. I just rented Jet Force Gemini and Tonic Trouble from my local Blockbuster, and, well, I never really got around to playing Tonic Trouble. Jet Force Gemini is the most amazing game I’ve ever seen in my life! I like it so much, I wrote a song about it (it’s a parody, really) and it’s supposed to be sung by Lupus, and sung to the tune of “Mambo No. 5” by Lou Bega. Here it goes:
“The Jet Force Mambo”
Well, that’s it. Scared of me now? Some of my friends are… Anyway, here’s the sucking up part: You guys are great I’ve never played better games or been to a better website in my life I hope you keep making good games and make a sequel to Jet Force Gemini because it’s the coolest game in the world, etc. That’s about it. I just made this wonderful song and wanted to share it with you. Goodbye now.
Mario Mario
Not scared, no. Slightly disturbed, but not all-out scared just yet because we know you’re just trying to be affectionate in your own unstable way. The song’s very nice. Could you perform it for us while strutting around in a white suit and cavorting with a host of semi-naked laydies? We just want to get the full impact, you know.
Dear Rare,
Let me just get this out in the open right now… Jet Force Gemini is my favorite game of all time! The style of this game is perfect, I love this game in every way! Can we have a round of applause for the composer of the music? OYE… the music in this game is worth the purchase! I just want to say that Rare games are the best games. King of the Hill and Tawfret are awesome. Er… and to my question… I just wanted to know if you guys are thinking of possibly making a sequel to this great game? :::Cough, Dolphin, cough::: That would truly be awesome. If you could just simply reply back to me or even post this… I would be greatly obliged. Thank you Rare, thank you for making such awesome games… I can’t wait for DK64 and Perfect Dark!
Thanks again.
Animator7@aol.com
Jet Force sequel action will basically depend on how well it does in the marketplace, so it’s your solemn duty, Scribes readers, to go out and buy it in your droves and thus assure its status as ‘economically viable’ in a Michael Douglas Falling Down-stylee. Certainly, the designer muses that “We would like to do one, and it would be great on the Dolphin, and it may even feature Mrs Pie…”
But whatever happens, we’re grateful for so many people being willing to place their faith in a completely new and original title with no precedent to rely upon, and it’s particularly good to see that none of you are regretting it. You’re stars, you are. You’re our besht mates (hic).
Dear Mr. Man,
Before I start, JFG rocks holy arse, and you must make a sequel! I am holding Midge hostage, make a sequel, and he will continue to live. Thank you. Oh and one more thing, about JFG‘s ending… I, of course, can’t openly discuss it and ruin it for everyone, but I just wanted to know if the JFG team is aware that the ending makes no sense whatsoever, and creates a million and a half plot holes in the story. (Example: How did you know who get so much power?!) Here’s my magical question: Does the JFG team have some explanation worked out that makes the ending MAKE SENSE that we would see if a sequel was made?
That’s about it. Thanks ya crazy Brits!
MrCheez7@aol.com
P.S. The person who wrote in saying that Mrs. Pie’s pies tasted like arse was right! They are made out of arse! The secret is out!
Mr. Man, eh? Can I be Mr. Bump? Mr. Bump’s great.
Naturally there’s no secret explanation for that shocking final ‘plot’ ‘twist’. We just thought it’d be funny. Can’t quite see how it opens up “a million and a half plot holes”, though… you-know-who just went a bit mental, that’s all. And Midge wasn’t the best choice for hostage, either – his intense campness will have driven you to violence long before we’ve gotten around to paying up.
Scribes,
First I’d like to say that JFG is one of my favourite games of all time. How do you guys do it? The little touches – The Bug disco and arcade, Floyd missions, Mizar in his non-question mark glory, the wonderful cut scenes and on and on and on… It is so good, it could be better than Zelda. No, it is better than Zelda. Sucking up aside, how in arse’s name did you manage to get Mr. Pants in the game? How did you persuade the developers to put this badly drawn man wearing a bowler hat and pants into this wonderful game? I think that should be Rare’s new trademark. In every game: Mr. Pants. Go on, he will be in PD and DK64 won’t he? Please. And look no p.s’s. Or rubbish picture attachments. And I’m not an AOL user. This must be printed.
Mecha Mr Ed
Hang on – past editions suggest that all those things will in fact help your chances of being printed rather than counting as points against. Never mind, full marks for your brave yet futile attempt to buck the trend.
As far as I know Pantsy-boy didn’t make it into DK64, but there are several possibilities being touted for a comeback in PD… none of which I realistically expect to come to fruition, but you know, it passes the time.
Hey there, Scribes,
How in the world do you Brits get all those innuendoes past Nintendo? “Come over here and I’ll teach you how to use your instrument,” eh? “Let me show you my melons and my instruments.” It isn’t even subtle! Hilarious, yes. Subtle, no. I love you guys. Is there a transcript that says everything Fernando says in JFG regarding the, er, “specialist” magazine? It was hilarious, but I forgot it all. Also, In another Scribes, you said you were bitter at having to edit out some of Fernando’s more enthusiastic praise for the magazine. What would this praise have been, then.
Nic
P.S. Does Mr. Pants make any other appearances in JFG other than the carving on the wall? He’s my idle, he is.
P.P.S “Arse” isn’t funny anymore, people – Quit saying it in P.S. as a stand alone thingy. Arse was soooo five minutes ago!
P.P.P.S Is Snide a cocaine addict? He is constantly sniffling (my little brother says it is because he’s crying because he lost his blueprints – he’s seven years old. Bless). First Tiptup’s a commie, now Snide’s a common drug dealer. How sad.
Oh no! Innuendo and a passing mention of drugs – that’ll turn everyone reading this into a crackhead pervert!
I’d print Fernando’s little ‘specialist magazine’ speech here for you, but I’ve got so many slightly different versions on file that I’d be bound to pick the wrong one and end up looking like an ill-educated, ham-fisted gibbon in front of everyone. And, er, we can’t have that.
Dear Creators,
I have come up with the most lucrative idea for you guys, ever!
It will be a TV show, a Game Boy game, and many plush toys! (Speaking of which, I would really like a Mr. Pants doll).
I call it: “Tribals”, and its hook would be: “Gotta Save ’em all!”
The way I figure it is that you make the show first, about a month before the game comes out. It will be about Juno’s dream to become “Tribal Master” of the universe. Each episode will be about Juno, Vela and Lupus running around looking for Tribals, while Mizar tries to steal their own pet Tribal.
To do this, Mizar thinks up elaborate schemes with his side-kick, who is, ironically, an evil Tribal called “Bucky” (did anyone else hate the buck-tooth Tribal? I know I did).
Juno’s mentor will be Professor Jeff, who advises them. The police force will consist entirely of Magnus, and Tribal Centres will be staffed by Midge.
The GBC game would just be JFG again, which isn’t such a bad idea. And there would be a Tribal card game and Tribal Pinball, where the ball is a Tribal head! (No, wait, I’ve gone too far).
Till next time!
mr_pants007@hotmail.com (formerly known as Togepi_ikari@hotmail.com)
We like it. Not much scope for vastly different special abilities between Tribals, mind, but no idea’s perfect. As for ‘Bucky’, I’m surprised how few complaints we’ve had about the fact that he doesn’t even hang around to be rescued after you jump in to stop him being eaten by the Mechantids…
And I hope you don’t really want a plush Mr. Pants doll, because let’s face it, that’s just weird.
Dear Scribes,
I’m just writing to ask if you have any RPG style titles in the works. It would be nice to see a Zelda (on Dolphin of course) beater coming from a company whose main attributes are little monkeys, Mickey Mouse, a now old Bond game and Perfect Dark. A title which took so long that all but its most dedicated/sheepish followers hung out for. I gotta admit I’m one of those followers, and a tad disappointed at that, after all with the new technology currently gracing my brand new PC PD can’t help looking dated before it reaches completion. I’m not really one to usually criticise the best developer in the biz (but I will!) it’s just the N64 has been fraught by delays ever since day 1 (which ironically was set back as well) and with only a handful of true quality titles DK64 and JFG are a sad case of bad timing: my message you ask; just for your sake bang out the titles early, ideally you should have few well underway by now.
If not for the sake of fame, riches and glory (and if you’re really lucky pleasures of the flesh – that means women for the 12 yr olds who write in most of this trash) then for the sake of actually decent games for the educated gamers. Y’know the people who read EDGE not Playstation Power, who buy Nintendo consoles to play Rare and Nintendo games as they are truly great games, not like Tomb Raider 103 and FIFA, Rainy Edition 2.
Goddamit I love your games but please I just want to play more of them. Face it, truth is decent games publishers are an endangered species, to such an extent that respect in the industry starts and ends with Nintendo.
Cir
P.S Now that my rant’s over I’d just like to say it would be nice to see more letters involving games instead of the usual “Mr. Pants has joined up with Cranky Kong and they’re having it off in Funky’s Shed, have a look @ the pic if you don’t believe me”. Still the replies are pretty funny…
Ah, so the secret of ultimate wisdom is to read Edge? Okay…
Seems you’ve got a problem with every one of our games that’s not GoldenEye or Perfect Dark, but if every game we did was a first-person shooter, you’d be just as quick to complain (along with the rest of the gaming world). And if you feel you can’t get any enjoyment out of DK64 or JFG just because we’ve released them quite late in the N64’s life cycle, there’s not a lot we can do about that either. It’s the way development works – obvious as it sounds, games are finished when they’re finished, so “banging out the titles early” just doesn’t come into it.
Dear Scribes,
I may or may not have had a dream that might or might not have involved a character that might or might not be from a game that could or could not have been recently released under a title that may or may not be Jet Force Gemini, and in said dream the two parties who may or may not be Juno and I might or might not have been doing something that might or might not be considered “naughty.”
This letter may or may not have been written by…
Amanda Marie Schroeder, a.k.a Kablooie, evil twin of Kazooie (Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!)
But Juno’s a good guy! He’s a hero! He wouldn’t be seen dead stealing apples from his next-door neighbour’s tree… assuming that’s what you were on about.
Dear Scribes,
In JFG, when you collect a weapon, it magically appears from a futuristic-looking crate. See, I hate to release such a vicious rumour (AND THIS IS A RUMOUR, PEOPLE), but the crate looks suspiciously like a console to me. At first this looked a little like a fat N64, possibly with a 64DD underneath, but I soon realised this couldn’t be it. Delving a bit further into the murky depths of my mind, I stumbled across a box marked “wildest dreams”. Upon opening, a thought came into my mind that this could, juuuust possibly, be the Dolphin console. Obviously I don’t expect a proper answer, more a mystical ‘maybe’, but a similar sneak preview happened in an earlier DK with the N64, didn’t it? I await your non-answer with baited breath, Mr JFG Designer.
Richard Broderick
I’ll go track down the man himself and see how ‘proper’ an answer I can get for you. Here goes:
“Call me predictable, but I’m going to have to go for ‘That’s a ridiculous thing to say, it looks nothing like a Dolphin… it looks more like a Porpoise.’”
I’m surprised people still write in to Scribes genuinely expecting information.
Dear Scribes,
Congratulations on completely ruining a fine game. Jet Force Gemini was going along fine as a game I had decided that once again was up to Rare’s usually high standards. Then I hit the Lupus Boss or Mantis level. Besides being impossible to complete, there are absolutely NO working codes to help with this matter. Having completed all other possible levels the game is now a pointless frustration that I can go no farther into. All other characters have already reached their final stages and still there is no way to get past those bosses. So you have managed to lose my business (like you care). I will not be purchasing another of your games until I find out if they are as impossible to succeed in as this one. I enjoy a challenging game as well as the next person, Banjo is still one of my favorites, but when a game just becomes pointless half way through it, I guess it’s time to find other companies to waste my money on.
Jeff
Oh no! Did we accidentally release an impossible game again? That’s always happening! It’s just a shame that you didn’t write in earlier, because thousands of hapless players around the globe have already completed JFG, oblivious to the cold, hard fact of its impossibility. Just imagine how they’re going to feel when they find out.
Hey you crazy Scribes!
- I have been a gamer since the old Atari home system came out. I even still own my 8 bit NES. You could buy a control paddle for the NES 8 bit system called a NES Max. Indeed the NES Max was my favorite paddle, to hell with the NES Advantage. I couldn’t help but notice that Floyd fromJFG is nothing more than a NES Max with eyeballs and a propellor blade. Is that where you got the idea from?
- JFGis just magnificent. The backgrounds and game depth is amazing. I have to say though that my favorite feature is the music. It is so dramatic that even doing stupid things like shooting rocks into a machine instead of just carrying them and putting them in (what moron came up with that one?) seems exciting.
- I just saw the Nintendo line for PD(they did a much better overview than your pitiful attempt). I just want to say that I am staggered by the features and game modes that will be offered. No wonder you guys needed more time. It looks as if PD will go way, way beyond any FPS ever made. My comrads and I have been waiting for a good co-op shooter since Turok first came out (no, Armorines does not count as “good” in my mind).
- Though I have never written before, I have been visiting the Rare site for some months now. I have noticed that the word “arse” is mentioned just about as frequently as the phrase “Goldeneye” or “Mr. Pants”. I even remember a specific scribe about how happy you were that “arse was being spread”. It seems to be a joke, but I fear it is much more devious. The entire arse campaign is a subtle homoerotic message that is assaulting the public’s fragile psyche, much like Tinky-Winky the TeleTubby. I further go on to conclude that Leigh Loveday is gay. I do not mean happy gay, but Elton John gay. As gay as a day in San Francisco gay. This is why he spells his first name like an Irish girl. His last name is also a not so subtle change from his true name: Lovegay, or more properly, Gaylove. If you take the pansy silent letters out of his first name, and separate his last you get “Le Gay Love”, or a French/English slogan for gay pride. I’m afraid that Rare will have to be reported to the Christian Coalition for immediate public criticism and judgement. May god have mercy on your souls because Jerry Falwell will not.
- This is just a filler number. Five is so much easier to work with on a base ten system. Four just doesn’t go evenly into ten. It’s just plain crazy, much like the 24 hour clock. If you ever decide to put my letter into an algorithm, you’ll thank me.
Thanks for your time, patience, and good humor.
~Lee Koslowski
S. You really do spell your name like a girl. - I still think the ‘arse with a propeller’ theory is more likely, to be honest.
- Given the implicit danger of working in close proximity to high-powered nuclear generators, Magnus was merely trying to provide sound safety-conscious advice adhering to well-established Union guidelines. No, really.
- Pitiful, eh? There’s no need to be rude, arseface.
- If my name was anything like that of “an Irish girl”, it’d be pronouced ‘Leyaaargh’ or something.
- I don’t know what you’re talking about, so I’m going down to get some chocolate out of the vending machine.
PS Too late, I’ve gone.
Dear Scribes,
I played for over 3 hours straight to free Lupus. Now I find that he won’t stop chewing on the furniture, peeing on the carpet and humping my leg.
I can’t get him into an obedience school, because of the machine gun on his back.
Sadly, I’ve decided to have him euthanatized.
My copy of JFG might be faulty, but perhaps you should warn other players.
Brian White
You’ve decided to have him what? Doesn’t sound very good, whatever it is. Mind, I can see how the leg-humping would be uncomfortable with those rocket boots on full power. And the Jet Force lads can sympathise too: “In the Beta version he used to enthusiastically mount other dogs from the neighbourhood in full view of the development team.”
To Mr. Scribe,
Ah, what a merry Christmas. JFG and DK64 flew out of the Christmas pile and have both been perched atop my N64 ever since (not at the same time, mind). DK64 has especially been a treat, and has been subjected to vigorous playing for a couple of days now. Ooh, playing as Donkey and Diddy again is a treat in itself (nice modelling job on Donkey if I do say so myself. Congrats go to the artists, especially for paying extra attention to his ‘buns’). Playing some of the old-school games has been a laugh as well. Jetpac was surprisingly tricky (but I’ve got the hang of it now) and Donkey Kong has tested me to my limits. Another cheer goes out to the programmer who decided it would be nice to use the Control Pad for a change.
Jet Force has (unfortunately) been reduced to being a multi-player game for now, until I’ve done Donkey Kong. The controls for both games clash, and I’m sent into a brain-spinning frenzy as Juno is sent hurtling down into another bottomless pit because I tried to go into first-person view with C^ instead of the R Button. I’m sure when I settle down to play it in the near future it will indeed provide me with some hearty challenge.
“Get to the point, sonny-jim,” I hear you say, well there is no point. I just wanted to thank you for making my Christmas a very merry one. Hope you all got loadsa pressies, and sat around eating lunch while watching Ali G’s Alternative Christmas Message instead of the Queen’s. She looks a bit like Wrinkly Kong actually (when she was alive, anyway).
Who is your favourite Smash Bros. character? Am I the only person who always chooses Donkey Kong or Luigi? Everyone I know always chooses Link or Pikachu… freaks.
I shall continue to wait eagerly for the “Next Big Thing”. Until then, toodle-oo.
—Super Markio—
I always choose Link or Pikachu, because their long-range attacks are supremely irritating. But that’s not as freakish as choosing Captain Falcon in his lovely hot-pink-on-white outfit… which I also do. “Show me your moves! Ducky.” The people I play against always choose Mario and Kirby. Kirby usually wins. It’s so depressing.
Jet Force and DK, hmm? That’ll certainly keep you going for a while. You should also try alternating control methods within each game – that’s an intentional extra secret bonus expert challenge mode we intentionally threw in on purpose, that is. And stop concentrating so hard on DK’s ‘buns’, you bunch of weirdos.
Dear Scribes,
I finally beat the “too long” JFG in 25:99 according to the handy Jet-Force clock, and the game has been out long enough, I don’t mind giving this semi-spoiler to ask a question. Why does the ending have NO mention of Floyd?! No memorial, no “oh yeah, the plucky robot saved the planet, let’s go party,” no “Offical Rar! Day.” Not like he made any kind of sacrifice or anything…
ExoByte
Here’s the official word from the team. Brace yourself for its harsh logic:
“The original ending was intended to show a tear falling from Floyd’s eye before he was blown into a thousand pieces, and a gold statue was to be put up on Goldwood as a lasting tribute to his sacrifice… then we discovered the designer of Conker could do a fantastic Jimmy Saville impression.”
Dear Scribes,
It’s “Rare” that I, proud N64 gamer, find a game with music so stunning it will make me feel like rushing to the nearest CD store in the earnest effort of picking up the soundtrack to the game. In recent times, both you and Nintendo have offered the liveliest music scores on the N64, and thankfully have released soundtracks for all to hear. So why is there no soundtrack for Jet Force Gemini? This game borders on audio perfection with a diverse score that can bring me to tears one moment and in the next make me feel like picking up a gun and taking it to those nasty bugs. This music is the best for the N64, no doubt about it. So why must you torture me by making the decision to not release a soundtrack for this beautiful game? I, for one, am sad to see it happen. I will anxiously wait for the day when I can pick up a JFG soundtrack, though I may never see that day come.
CJ Mittica
Nintendork in the house! Everybody say yo/boo-yaa/way-o/whatever’s currently in fashion.
I think we’ve been through this Jet Force soundtrack business before: the decision isn’t ours, or the CD would have been out there a long time ago. It’s something Nintendo do for selected games. As for producing them ourselves, we don’t have any kind of outlet for selling them and we don’t run a whacking great subscription list like Mr. Nintendo, so it makes far more sense to leave it to the people best equipped for the job…
Dear Scribes,
Guess what I got for Christmas? DK64 and Jet Force Gemini. DK64 took over my life but I ended my addiction by (God help me) getting 101%. I don’t think Snide can get clean so easy. So then I played Jet Force Gemini. I got halfway into it, AND YOU TURNED LUPUS INTO A TANK! WHY? It’s not fair to do that to a mascot-quality character! But I can let him get revenge by blowing up Mr. Pants all day. BUT WHY DID YOU DO IT? Vela gets bicycle shorts, Juno gets a spiffy helmet, AND YOU TURN LUPUS INTO A TANK! I would have liked it better if you would have given him a glow-in-the-dark flea collar and called it an armor upgrade!
VitoMazz@cs.com
PS I spelled “armour” “armor” on purpose! Take that! HAH HA HA HAH hahaha heheh he he ho ho…
PPS HA!
Official team answer: “Because it would have been ridiculous to turn Juno or Vela into a tank.”
What’s so bad about being half-tank, anyway? I could understand your reservations if he’d been turned into a mattress or something, but tankifying him just makes him harder. And he can still tilt over onto one of his tracks if he needs to make use of a lamppost.
Hello all you scribey types,
Alright straight to the point, JFG had a incredibly stupid yet somehow entertaining item in the Fishfood, so I believe Perfect Dark needs one, in toilet paper. Think about it, when you threw the toilet paper it would leave a white trail behind it, if the guards spotted it they would follow the trail to the point where you dropped the other end (by using the B button), while they were distracted by the toilet paper, you’ve snuck up behind them and shot them in the back, also if you threw a roll at the head of a soldier they would proceed to be startled briefly. Overall I think toilet paper would be a worthy addition to the Perfect Dark arsenal.
-Pecker Head Assassin
Always end on a high note. Or something. For a start, it’d be called ‘bog roll’ if we put it in, and you’re missing the point of the fish food in that it had no point, whereas the toilet paper does… oh my God, I’m taking this seriously. No more Scribes for another six months! I’m going into rehab.
OI, YOU! YEAH, YOU HIDING BEHIND THAT BLOODY MONITOR!
Or Dear Scribes if you prefer,
This letter features such an amazing quantity of Arse, Mr Pants and Rare that you couldn’t possibly not print it. Unless you don’t want to. You see, whilst busy playing JFG instead of passing my A-Levels I couldn’t help but wonder why you didn’t put Mr Pants in as a single player character. As much as I love blasting the b**tard’s head off it’d be more fun to, you know, be him.
And before you use the feeble excuse that there’s actually 3 characters with their own special abilities, I’ve come up with a devious way round that, a plan more cunning than a fox that’s just been promoted to Professor of Cunning at Oxford University.
3 different Mr Pants’ (different coloured kecks of course) start the game. Red Pants has the ability to survive lava. This is because he wears asbestos pants so he just skims the surface, heat free. Blue Pants can survive underwater. He has a small oxygen tank hidden in that hat which sustains him. Green Pants is of course the best. He can fly/hover/glide (whichever you prefer) using only a curry and a lighter. I’m sure you can figure how that might work. But whereas Lupus would just stop abruptly (and annoyingly) Pants eventually loses containment and follows through. Oops. And of course, once all 3 Pants’ meet up at Mizar’s little triangly thing they combine to form, yep, you guessed it, Mr Pants: Oxygen hat and breathable asbestos Y-fronts, the deadliest force in the Universe.
Oh, and of course I pay immense homage to the undisputed Gods of the gaming world, and await with bated Z-trigger the imminent (right?) release of Perfect Dark, A Really Special Event (As Rare Stuns Everyone).
But why won’t you make a bloody car game (you know, with cars, and speed)?
High Overlord Of Fake or Real Icons or Deities
PS: Will you buy my expansion pak off me so I can go out and buy DK64?
I felt a design brief of this calibre needed to be seen and analysed by the JFG designer himself…
“I like the cut of his gib. The lighter and arse trick would have the added danger of the infamous ‘Bush Fire’ which I witnessed nearly claiming the testicles of one of my mates.”
He probably wasn’t expecting me to actually quote him on that, but hey, the public have a right to know how the mind of a designer really works. Here’s another excerpt:
“It’s good to see you can spend two years on a game, cramming it with features, and the only thing people talk about is the bloody lunatic in the pants.”
PS I’ll swap you a chicken sandwich if you like.
Dear Company That Makes Great Games Consistently But Does Not Update Their Letters Column Often,
I was playing the Aztec level of GoldenEye (great job on that game, guys, I hope PD is way better though, as several flaws are there, nonetheless) when I noticed some glaringly wrong features about the shuttle. First off, the fuel tank was colored white, while it should always be a rusty red, and the orange parts of the “wings” are just wrong. They never paint the rocket components, since it takes so much fuel to just get up into space, and they don’t need the extra weight from the paint. And the other possibility is that the technicians in GoldenEye used a different material, which would be stupid because it would be either too expensive, or unable to contain the liquid oxygen and other fuel components that power the rockets. Second, if something goes wrong, the fuel in the rocket could explode with the force of an Atom Bomb, so they would never, ever put anything required for launching rockets as close to the launch pad as you did. Third, the rocket is just floating there! No cables, no launch pad, no nothing! That thing weighs hundreds of tonnes and is hundreds of metres tall! There’s no way it could just float there. Fourth, when the rocket launches, it gives of a huge amount of heat! There are always powerful water cannons at the pad spraying hundreds of litres of water to keep the exhaust from melting everything around it! Bond would be incinerated! Now in exchange for all that information, I require that you repay me with some information of your own.
- Where exactly is the chemistry set on top of the ducting in the Gas Plant?
- When, if ever, does Floyd go “Hur” or “Rar”?
- Why does Bond change his weapon to double lasers when you are using the All Guns cheat and you are using the tank weapon and get out of the tank?
You must respond to this letter, as there are no p.s.’s, no attached pictures, the word metres is spelled correctly, and if you don’t we will all know that you don’t want to hear about the shuttle and just want to sweep this one under the carpet.
The Rambler
I could either waste a few minutes trying to think of a clever comeback to your various points, or I could just wait until the GoldenEye designer comes over for lunchtime Smash Bros. and hassle him relentlessly until he gives in. Not much of a choice, really….
“Firstly: The paint scheme on the shuttle is down to Hugo Drax, who never really seemed to give a toss about expense, being a Bond villain and all.
“Secondly: There’s no danger at all, the force of the takeoff goes into the meeting room and incinerates the board. No problem.
“Thirdly: No, there are supports there. Try harder to see them.
“Fourth: All of the building materials were carefully chosen for their resistance to heat, and of course Bond is so cool, etc.
“…Or, ‘it’s a game’.”
As for the rest, I think you’ll find it’s pretty straightforward. Let me demonstrate:
1) In the room with the ducting.
2) I wasn’t aware that he went “Hur”. He occasionally goes “Rar” in the twisted minds of Scribes readers.
3) Presumably because getting out of the tank involves the tank weapon being reset… to double lasers.
Dear things don’t sell well, Mr Editor thingy.
I know that K. Rool is the evil bloke in DK and he’s obviously not got a shred of humanity in him (and why should he? He’s not human) but did we really need that profanity from him? When he turns up at the end he’s supposedly saying thank you. I am not convinced. It seems someone has slipped in a certain four letter word instead of thank and made the sample ambiguous enough (under the pretence of reptilian speech) to slip past the censors. Now is this addressed at the Kongs or did the person who voiced K. Rool just have a bad day?
I am now about to blaspheme. I do not think Jet Force Gemini is perfect (cowers in corner away from expected attacks from JFG zealots). Frankly when I beat Mizar at that point, I was mightily miffed when King Jeff turned up and gave me the bad news. Why couldn’t I just slay the bloke right there and nick the ship part off him? I couldn’t be arsed to go back and trawl through saving little rectangularly headed bears. Which is why at the moment it lays uncompleted. I will generate the strength soon enough to go back but couldn’t Jeff have told Juno at the beginning oh by the way make sure you rescue those little fellas or you’ll be mightily peeved in a while.
Is there any chance of using Scribes as a forum to induce a change in society from base 10 to base 2. I tried to explain to my maths teacher years ago how it would be natural if we were taught it from an early age and the obvious advantages in being able to count up to 1023 on our fingers. Alas he was too foresighted to recognise the true potential of this revolutionary idea.
Disturbingly I’m starting to feel the urge to do a mock up cover for Mr Pants 64. Now if someone as relatively sane as me (note the use of relatively) is tending towards this then it’ll only be a short while before you get a manual for said game in the post, complete with warranty card.
Then you’ll have no choice but to make it…
J. Edwards
Here we go, pots-in-Mad-Monster-Mansion-graveyard syndrome again. Even if we were tempted to try and slip the odd bit of random swearing into our games (come on, we’re only human – and British), with so many people involved in the testing and approval processes it wouldn’t stand a chance of going unnoticed. So I can assure you that in the world of Rare 3D platforming, only Conker’s BFD involves general sweariness (no, we still don’t count ‘hell’), and most of that’s bleeped out anyway…
It would have been pointless for Jeff to ramble on about getting all the Tribals on your way to Mizar’s Palace because you just can’t do it first time – several of them are tucked away in places that only a specific character can reach, and not necessarily the one who visits the level first. Now stop being so mean and go rescue the little fluffy tinkers.
A manual for Mr. Pants 64? Don’t give them ideas.
Dear God,
I sit here with a set of valid Rare-related questions and point that I wish to transmit to you via the psychic webway which interconnects the lands of this globe (or I might just use email).
- Rare are a British company, and although many Americans seem to think that Britain consists of only England, it does in fact consist of four countries. I was wondering, being of Scottish origin, if any, and if so how many, of your employees are Scottish. Although Rare HQ is based in England, I’d hope that you still consider yourselves British. (Yep, this is a boring question, but I am seriously interested.)
- I absolutely love Banjo-Kazooie(no, not like that), and I am looking forward to Banjo-Tooie just as much asPerfect Dark (I can hear the outcries already). Accordingly, this is a question about B-T, rather than the almost compulsory PD. It’s simple enough – will B-T have a futuristic world (to accompany the already obvious prehistoric one), with computers, and robots and stuff (think the Future Zone from The Crystal Maze, minus Richard O’Brien)?
- Could you please provide us with any more hints about B-T‘s ‘not what you’d expect’ multiplayer?
- Since BFDobviously has a major theme of film spoofs next to that of violence and bad language, and we have already heard about those of Saving Private Ryan, Jurassic Park and Jaws, will it include films such as The Matrix (‘Pants. Lots of Pants’) and The Terminator. To put it as the Americans would ‘that would kick ass’.
- What kind of films and games are the favourites around the Rare camp? And do any of you like the most underrated movie ever – Beetlejuice?
- Finally, does the change of Twelve Tales toBFD have anything to do with the fact that the Conker team are supposedly the Killer Instinct team?
To finish off, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thank you to the Rare staff. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but your excellent games, with their unique brand of humour, longevity, imagination and originality have provided me with hours of enjoyment. That’s some great work you guys do, and I for one would prefer the frequent delays of games, and removal of ‘certain’ features, than lose any of the Rare quality and magic. I’d also like to say a special thanks to the Banjo team, for their magical cart full of joy, and a superb looking sequel, and a mention to the JFG team for the hilarious Jimmy Saville reference in JFG‘s ending.
The Jinjonator - Plenty of Scots. I can think of quite a few off the top of my head, including one I need to hassle about going to the pub tomorrow night. Thanks for reminding me.
- Well, there’s one like the Industrial Zone. Before they replaced it and brought in that Tudor-Pole idiot.
- Erm… no.
- If the team wanted you to know things like that just yet, they’d have made it common knowledge, you cheeky young scamp.
- We made a couple of games based on it, didn’t we? Yeah, it’s alright (but I think you’ll find that Fallen is the most underrated movie ever). And of course everyone loves The Matrix…
- They were originally, but there’s been the usual regular shuffling around since then so you can’t really make that kind of connection any more.
And I’m sure the Jet Force team will be overjoyed that your one enduring memory of their game is of a stupid throwaway gag in the ending sequence…
Dear Scribes,
Wow! I have something meaningful to ask (bear with me here…)
Conker’s Bad Fur Day does honestly look like it’s going to kick huge quantities of arse, but I was wondering a couple of things…
- How long has it been like that? When did you decide to give up on the fuzzy cuteness (or at least that part of it without access to large weapons) and make the gore-and-swear-fest I hope it turns out to be?
- Who’s working on it? Are they ex-Banjo and Mickey’s Racing coders who saw one too many big-eyed animals and went a little funny in the head, or do you have a whole team that’s been kept away from the public for long enough to come up with this stuff?
Okay, that’ll do for semi-relevance today. But, since every quality (replace previous word as you see fit) letter has one, I think it’s about time for a bit of poor-quality image attachment goodness! (Okay, so it’s Shockwave Flash, but it’s still poor quality, so that counts, right?)
The Mr Pants Dance! http://www.shpadoinkle.co.uk/mrpants.html
Best viewed while listening to a CD of your choice, although preferably not anything from the 80s, for obvious reasons. And drunk.
Cussing Snake
Great. Two letters in, two Mr. Pants attachments. I’ve created a monster. Must distract myself with answers from the BFD team…
“1) Nearly two years now (just over two years when it hits the shelves, which is about the right development time for a game of this type). The original concept for Conker, the infamous Twelve Tales as it was known, was completely scrapped for various political and convoluted reasons. Needless to say, the scrapping decision was one made by, and NOT enforced onto, the team.
“Conker’s BFD has absolutely nothing in common with the original version of the game except for a squirrel called Conker.
“2) There are no ex-Banjo or Mickey people on Conker’s BFD simply because they’re still working on Banjo and Mickey. The Conker team is just that, and has been for the last two years (with a few casualties and additions on the way, here and there…)
“The experienced members of the team have been involved in no small way on products such as the Killer Instinct series, JFG and DK64 (George, you’ll get Carl back soon, don’t worry!)”
Dear Englishmen/-women, (Or maybe “Englishman” would be more appropriate…)
Hello again. It is I, the halfway notorious Pat Mundy, from past Scribes, under a new e-mail address of course. In any case, I felt it was about time I sent in another letter, since all my last ones have been pants attempts. What the heck, I’ll even throw in some mildly useful questions and proper British spellings. And since it’s become a fad of sorts, I suppose I’ll number my questions too.
- I’ve been wondering: if an American/Brit had a spelling bee and a word like “flavour” or “organise” was given to the speller, and he/she was in America and spelled it like a Brit, or he/she was in England and spelled it like an American, would it be counted as incorrect, or would it be seen as another version of the word and therefore be a valid spelling? Sure, it might not matter, but it is an interesting topic. Okay, maybe not.
- What exactly do you do all day besides answer Scribes and work on the newest rendition of the DKR manual? I’m sure you do something, but seriously, what exactly is your occupation? Not meaning to intrude on your privacy or anything, just curious.
- I’m a bit surprised you haven’t gone further with the necessity of u’s in many words ending with “or.” What if you started spelling words with u’s with o’s? It really is quite an interesting way of doing things. Personally, I think it’s a bit embarrassing that some American authority decided to “dumb down” the English language by making interesting words like “catalogue” so dull.
- Have you seen the movie “Angela’s Ashes?” It’s a great movie for two reasons – One, it has the word “arse” in it on several occasions, and two, it has the villain who acted in “The World Is Not Enough.”
- I can’t help but notice how un-selfconscious people are when they bash other countries. What’s your opinioun on this? (Note that I spelled the word “opinion” with an added u for your amusement.)
- The needs of arse are becoming a bit neglected. Why, in the most recent Scribes, I can’t say I saw it in even a quarter of the letters. Don’t you think it’s your duty to revive it somehow?
- Who’s got them tickets?!
- Why is the glass in Jet Force Gemini so smeary looking? Doesn’t Mizar have enough funds to have his Tribal slaves at least wash his windows once in a while?
- Note that I will gladly make a donation to your company’s efforts whenPerfect Dark comes out. But one question: Are there any references to arse in it?
- Is it true all your food there in England is boiled and tastes rather nasty? Or maybe I just like grease…
Well, thank you for taking your time cleverly avoiding my last few letters. I like to think you at least took the time to read them before pressing the delete button. However, you do know that the more you don’t post, the more I’ll have to e-mail to make up for the lost letters… But in any case, I’m grateful for what you do and I love your games. Very insightful if I do say so myself.
Sincerely,
Pat Mundy
S. Am I the first person to ever put a proper closing on a Scribes e-mail? Oops, too late, I’ve killed it with a P.S…
- I’m so glad you resolved that one in the privacy of your own head at the last minute.
- Manuals. Intranet. In-game text. Press stuff. No idea what my job title is these days. The answer’s not going to be any different no matter how many times the question’s asked, you know…
- Well, exactly. Shouldn’t you be answering your own question seeing as you’re the ones who keep messing about with the language, eh?
- Yes, that little-known star of some of the biggest-grossing British films of all time, Robert Carlyle.
- Depends on the level of irony and/or sheer grunting stupidity present in the opinions offered.
- Composite arsisms are the in-thing now, man. Haven’t you been paying attention?
- Alison Moyet.
- If it wasn’t smeary you wouldn’t be able to see it properly, then you’d complain that we hadn’t put enough time and effort into designing the texture. Yes you would. I know your sort.
- Can’t say I remember any…
- Boiled? We practically invented the fry-up, you cheeky young scamp. How dare you challenge us in the junkfood arena when you don’t even know the proper usage of the word ‘chips’.
Dear Scribes,
“Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells.
Grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells
Wah yeah!”
What is striking here? Exactly, all the eatables, mentioned in the ‘fridge’ (bridge) of the DK Rap are actually in the game. Except… the walnuts!
Furthermore, the ammunition of all the Kongs – Donkey’s coconuts, Diddy’s peanuts, Lanky’s grapes and Chunky’s pineapples – are alle mentioned in the ‘fridge’. Except… Tiny’s feathers!
From all this, only one conclusion can be drawn: THERE IS A BETA VERSION OF DONKEY KONG 64!! In this Beta version, Tiny used walnuts for ammunition. Since I’m such a big Rare fan, I think you should send me a copy of this Beta version! Awww, come on! Please!
Kind regards,
Caspar van der Heiden
PS Could you please explain what the “Jimmy Saville-joke” at the end of JFG is? For the readers who aren’t British or haven’t ever heard of Jimmy Saville for another reason?
You can laugh, but all around the world there’ll be young kids and thick people shrieking at their parents and/or bank managers because the words “BETA VERSION OF DONKEY KONG 64” caught their eye and they didn’t feel the need to get this in any sort of context before launching into a full-on monkeyed-up frenzy.
PS Jim’ll Fix It is a great British TV institution featuring professional old man Sir Jimmy Saville making the wishes of impressionable youngsters come true, and after doing so forcing them to wear one of his cheap and nasty Jim’ll Fix It medals as punishment. He also goes “Uhuhuhuhuhuh”, or at least people doing impressions of him do. There you go – clear as mud.
Dear Scribes,
WHAT THE #&!!? Jet Force Gemini is one of the best N64 games out there, but the ending is what, a whole 2 MINUTES LONG?!!?! Come on, 2 MINUTES!! Sure it’s a happy ending, and it’s also a good ending, but after 40 hours of playing the game, saving all the Tribals, and having to fight with Floyd to get him to go where you want him to, all we get is a 2 minute ending?! You guys should take a note from Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and have a 10-15 minute ending. I mean if you can give DK64 such a long ending, why not JFG? And Juno was my favorite character until I saw his fruity disco dance. I just hope Perfect Dark‘s ending is worth it.
Robert Culton
Oh, stop complaining. JFG’s ending was fantastic. If its ‘fruity’ nature made you scowl rather than laugh, you should lighten up a bit before you find yourself writing letters like the next one. And besides, the designer’s last attempt at an ending sequence was in Blast Corps: think Platinum medals and say no more.
Dear Scribes,
Browsing old copies of ‘N64 magazine’ for information on a old game I had bought, I saw a surprising preview of Jet Force Gemini. Now before you say ‘Hold the buses!’ I was already aware of the old character design, and aside from wondering where the order came from to change the characters designs to inferior ‘adult’ models (rumours suggest Nintendo HQ), I was most disturbed by the mention of a plasma gun.
Now, ardent fans of JFG like myself know that the most arse (had to get it in somewhere) gun in the entire game is the Plasma Shotgun. Technically the pistol is worse, but when my Machine Gun ammo runs out I hate the inaccuracy and entire feel of the sub standard Plasma-me-do.
The magazine (dated July 99) states ‘a Ghostbusters-influenced plasma gun that holds spasming victims in its neon streamers until they expire’. Looking at the Plasma Shotgun, it bears similarities to Bill Murray’s piece. The shotgun does emit neon streamers, and has a charging mechanism that rings true with the Slimer legacy.
Why was this function taken out of the game? And if you’re going to take out something as patently great as a Ghostbusters gun, why replace it with something more useless than Mr. Blonde’s henchmen?
Incidentally, I might have broken protocol by addressing this to Scribes, and not Uncle Tusk, so I better ask something that’ll go with ‘vibe’ of Scribes. You know, comments or questions that consistently come back, emails from annoying anal retentives with actual queries about ‘classics’ like Taboo (anal – I missed a chance to say arse. Damn. Arse, there goes another. Note to self – report theft of the DELETE key to police, and hopefully it’ll be RETURNED when they catch the SCROLL LOCK who @~ed it).
Oh yes, that question. Any chance of a Game Boy version of Mr. Pants 64?
Stephen Fingleton
P.S – Seriously though, Rare mightn’t want to risk millions developing an N64 title revolving around a British ad joke with the Yanks wondering ‘But he doesn’t wear any pants.’ But Game Boy games, I mean, how many people work on them? A five year old to draw the sprites, and a fifteen year old to hack it in Q Basic. Come on my son – it’s a possibility! We should start a petition. Yale for Mr Pants GB!
A Game Boy version of Mr. Pants 64 would have to be called something like Mr. Pants Pocket, which evidently doesn’t bear thinking about. And our entire Game Boy department (combined age 27) are on their way round to kick you in the shins as we speak.
Isn’t it obvious what happened to the ‘Ghostbusters gun’? The weapons weren’t given final names until quite a late stage, so up until that point the Shocker was loosely referred to as a ‘plasma gun’ – then the simple shotgun became the Plasma Shotgun and we had to call the ‘plasma gun’ something else. See?
Anyway, the old Plasma Shotgun’s a bit handy for picking off those inconvenient Zombie Drones, you’ve got to give it credit for that.
Dear people who pinch their noses while saying “Welcome to Hacker Central,”
I s’pose I’d better start my letter off with a list, or else it might tossed aside as junk mail.
(1) Do you pinch your noses when you say “welcome to Hacker Central?”
(2) Is a JFG sequel in the works for Dolphin?
(3) After Dark. Hmm… What could it be (scratches head).
(4) Are you willing to forgive GIKGs (Gameshark Ice Key Grabbers) by allowing them to get their eggypoos in BT?
(5) You should have killed off Cranky Kong instead of Wrinkly! It’s sexism, that’s what it is! Poor old bat… (Grabs a hanky)
David Noonan
P.S. I hold my nose when I say it too.
- I don’t think so, no. That would be cheating.
- Not in the works right now, but maybe in the future.
- Well, you know, if you want to believe it’s that straightforward…
- Remains to be seen how forgiving the team itself will be.
- It was probably more to do with “we need a ghost character – quick, who’s old?”
Dear person that never updates the letters page called Scribes:
I was greatly un-inspired by the not-so-magnificent work of the musician for Mr. Pants 64 (Yumblie, I believe it was). So, I decided to show him up with an even better tune, and, hopefully, you guys will let me do the composing for that game.
The music I have attached is for the rumoured “Flatulence Mnt.” level. I spent a whole half-hour on it! If you like it I can definitely send you more tunes when I know more about the levels and their themes.
Hmmm, what else do I have besides rubbish MIDI attachments… OH! Questions!
1: When is Nintendo gonna stop shifting release dates? I want Banjo-Tooie NOW!! Why is the release date being pushed up by Nintendo? (Stupid PR people.)
2: Speaking of Banjo-Tooie, have you taken my suggestion about rubber chickens? If you haven’t, there should be some kind of special rubber chicken character or object or bonus mode.
3: Who is doing the music for Conker’s BFD? What other games has he/she worked on? What does it sound like? I’m thinking that the musician should drink a lot so he/she can come up with the best flatulent music ever (music just like Hailfire Peaks).
4: So, David Wise is composing for Dino Planet? Hmm, didn’t he do the music for Donkey Kong Country? The music sure does sound like it (and in the credits of DKC it says “David W.” I beat the game just to see).
5: This is actually a serious question that needs a serious answer. I’m very interested in becoming a musician for video games, actually, Rareware games. What do I need to do to become one? What kind of examples of my work do you need for me to prove myself to the top-dogs at Rare and Nintendo? And finally, are there actually open positions at Rareware for musicians? (I say you can never have too many musicians.)
6: Oh, darn, I’m out of questions. I guess I’ll have more to bother you with next time.
Kenneth B.
PS. Put rubber chickens into Banjo-Tooie. Diminished Arse Major (just assurance this letter will get printed, naturally).
Not Kenny B of easy-listening saxophone fame? Oh no, hang on, that’s Kenny G.
1. Calm down. It’s not easy trying to pin down a definite gap in the production schedule that we can absolutely, definitely have a final version ready for when the game’s still being debugged.
2. Rubber chickens went out with Hale and Pace, man.
3. Our esteemed BFD musician’s last project was Jet Force Gemini, which should tell you all you need to know, but he was also the man behind some of those kickin’ KI choonz.
4. Yup.
5. We’re not actively hiring musicians at the moment, but when we do, we like to receive as diverse a selection of tunes as possible (to which we’ll reply with more specific pre-interview requests if we’re interested).
Here’s a few quick guidelines from one of our musicians for future reference: “Everybody at Rare goes through a trial period anyway and we would expect new musicians to be able to use a PC and a PC-based sequencer package like Cubase, have some familiarity with sampling and samplers, and above all have a good set of ears. Melody is the most important thing.”
Bonjour!
I thought it would be funny for an American to greet a Brit in French. Oh well, guess it isn’t. Anyway to the main point of this letter: It is truly the little things in your games (and all video games for that matter) that make them special and put them one step above the rest. I truly admire the slight bit of buoyancy that the designers of Jet Force Gemini gave to Vela. And I am not talking about her special ability (though I suppose it might be called that.) Stupidly put: she jiggles. I truly did not appreciate the physics engine of this understated masterpiece until I happened to walk Vela up against the camera. Who was in charge of Vela’s animation? I want to know whose hand to shake if I ever take a trip across the pond.
There is one thing about the game that bothers me: these same rules of physics also seem to apply to the female Tribal. Whose smart arsed idea was that? I suppose the designers were aiming for a wider demographic than I had ever expected a video game would be aimed at. Then again, I really don’t want to know anymore on that subject.
OK that’s it for the main part, time for the P.S.-ing to begin.
Keep up the good work,
Professor Knütszach
P.S. The Beatles kick everyone’s arse.
P.P.S. So do the Traveling Wilburys. Anyone who says otherwise is a jackarse.
P.P.P.S. I heard that a Diddy Kong Racing track (Greenwood Village) was in JFG; this isn’t a rumour (spelled British just for you) this is something I saw on the OFFICIAL Jet Force Gemini website. How do I access it?
P.P.P.P.S. Vela kicks the excrement out of Lara Croft’s sorry arse any day of the week, hands down.
Bore da, Professor. Ah, if only you knew the full story behind Vela’s carefully-modified jiggle. It’s actually been toned down quite a bit, because when the character models were ‘aged’, the modelling software amplified the amount of jiggle – previously barely noticeable – to a degree which the designer can only describe as “ludicrous”. So the amount you see today is a mere fraction of what it once was. The team denies noticing any kind of jiggle on the female Tribals, and to be honest I can’t say I ever did either, so you’re obviously looking a bit harder than you should be (and/or hallucinating).
Greenwood Village: beat the top times on both Jeff & Barry Racing games. What am I, Uncle Tusk?
Hey Rare dudes!
Finally a (boring) Scribe that makes sense and isn’t full of arse jokes! Firstly: Perfect Dark is ‘ok’ but Jet Force Gemini is WAY better. Probably due to the lack of Pants in PD. Anyway I was bored one day so I made this rubbish picture attachment for dudes who like South Park and Pants. Arse.
~Hel
P.S: I asked this before but you ignored it – in the Ship parts screen in JFG Vela’s hatch key says ‘Sllows Vela to access her pod’. You’re gonna say you did that on purpose, right?
I warned them, you know – I said “If you don’t put Mr. Pants in, there’ll be a massive consumer backlash”. But did they listen? Tsk. Anyway, thanks for the RPA. You know how I love them.
PS We’ve been through this in the Forums. Dunno how it happened. Must have been an arse-up on the part of whoever entered the text into the game at this end, but I’m not planning on confronting the person I feel is responsible because… well, because he’s quite hard.
Hi,
I have sunk quite a bit of money into Rare games on the Nintendo 64. They are beautiful to look at and very polished, but I have a big gripe with Rare. Your games are much too hard. I am currently playing Jet Force Gemini and have come up against the two insectoid bosses with Lupus. I have spent at least 5 hours trying to get past them and I can’t. I am no longer willing to invest any more time in the game even if there is great gameplay further on ahead. I have other games to play, and many other activities to use my spare time on. However it’s annoying that I have been denied closure on this game. JFG brought this issue finally to a head as this is not the first Rare game that this has happened on.
I am over thirty, and an avid game player since my early teens. I manage to complete many games but frequently not yours, I had spent over six hours on the final confrontation with the witch in Banjo Kazooie. I just couldn’t win, if I couldn’t do it in six, would another six make any difference? I was no longer interested enough to find out and gave up for good. I felt as a result I had thrown away the previous 50 hours of gaming I had put into Banjo. You are denying me the cherry on the cake, demanding too much work to go the last mile.
I also had managed to complete GoldenEye on easy but after coming very close to giving up on the “Protecting Natalya” on easy level I had no further desire to play it at a more challenging level. Contrary to what some people might say when this happens I think that is a failure on Rare’s part, not mine…
David O’Connell
…and so on, and so on (for several pages).
“Denied closure”? “Demanding too much work”? It’s our fault because you’ve reached the limit of your skills? I’d say that’s a very poor line of argument in anyone’s books… what do you think, people? Does Des here have a point? For now, I’ll leave the last word to your friendly neighbourhood GoldenEye designer:
“The lack of a challenge is the most offensive thing you could find in a game. If you have reached your level of competence there are two options left to you. You can cheat. Or you can put the controller down, come back a little later with a fresh outlook, and try something different.”
Dear Scribes,
Please do not think I dislike these games because of this (which by the way I don’t, these are possibly the best titles around and still coming) little complaint… but… I thought the inside of Clanker was a little nasty, I know it was supposed to be rust (I think) but still it was nasty looking. And now in Banjo-Tooie screen shots I see pictures of Banjo running inside someone’s insides or something. I wish you could leave out these things. It really bugs me.
-Astro
P.S. The games still rock besides these things.
Wait until you find out what you’ve got to do in there. Arf arf. Anyway, come on, any 3D jobbie worth its salt these days has to have a stage set inside some freakishly oversized creature or another – it’s all the rage. The giant worm thing on Eschebone in JFG, Jabu Jabu’s Belly in Zelda, the big fish in DK64…
Dear Leigh beloved,
I do hate to submit a complaint, but I felt that the severity of the crime justified the pomposity of the letter.
In JFG – the level where you run along some kind of wide wall (fairly early in the game) against the beautifully coloured evensong backdrop – there is a physical incongruity. Others may have noticed it, too.
In the sequence where we see Juno’s ship descend to a landing pad (a sequence I’ve watched many times, because I’m a bit crap at this game), the sun is in the background. Quite clearly. And yet the shadow from Juno’s ship is directly underneath it as it lands. Unforgivable.
I’ve been back through the first level, killing every single Tribal, and if you don’t amend your slapdash ways, I’ll keep going.
OK – spanking over. Don’t stop producing games because of this email, please. I’d feel awful.
Still, in every way
Njoinit (regularly)
It’s an alien planet with two suns, but you never see one of them. Even when you look directly overhead. That’ll be it. No, hang on: it’s not a shadow, it’s scorched earth from the landing jets. Or it might just be a big hole. Or Juno’s personal caviar supply falling through a rupture in the cargo hold. Oh, go on, damn you – just kill the poxy Tribals, see if I care.
Dear whatever your name might happen to be, I really don’t know,
I have been trying for well-nigh 6 months now to defeat that Mizar at the end of Jet Force Gemini, shooting at that thingie on his backside when he turns around, and am at the moment no closer to defeating him (“whooping his arse”, one might say, if one were that sort of person) than when I began. I began thinking, “Hmmm…”. I thought this several times until I put a thought into words, which went, “Have you tried anything besides the homing missiles, tri-rockets, and machine gun? You do have a rather large arsenal, there, several weapons more than those you’ve used.”
So I tried some more, and realized, “What weapon is useless in any other situation? What has no other practical usage, and may very well be the answer to your problem?” The answer, of course, is the fish food. Granted, I haven’t been able to properly test this theory, as I could not get the fish food to actually connect with Mizar at any point. But I am now on the trail!
Sincerely,
~ Dibple
P.S. (as seems to be the fashion): Yes, this letter was rather silly and obviously a joke, but you have to admit, it was entertaining to read*. And isn’t that really why all the letters are here? Obviously not more than half dozen make any coherent sense, but they are usually quite fun to read, with all the witty remarks and that sort of thing. Ta.
*Unless you do not find this sort of humor entertaining. But some people do. Of course some people find all sorts of things entertaining, so that was not at all a good defense.
Nice attempt at a disclaimer there, but you’re not fooling anyone – we can tell you were hoping I’d go along with it and accidentally give something away, so that you could confirm once and for all whether you’re on the right track. Well, I’m saying nothing. Go for it! Fish him to death! Let us know how you get on.
Actually the Fish Food very nearly had some kind of genuine purpose forced upon it at the last minute, as more and more people played the game and boggled at its comedy uselessness:
“So what do you do with this?”
“You feed the fish with it.”
“Yes, but… why?”
“Why?! Because they’d die if you didn’t!”
“Yes, but… but…”
Fortunately they seemed to realise that sometimes, at the end of the day, stuff just needs to be stuff.
Dear Scribe Person Sir Ma’am:
I am writing about the large amounts of large guts you put into your games. With the exception of GoldenEye and Perfect Dark… Do you have an obsession with big things eating little things? In Conker’s Bad Fur Day are we going to see the little squirrel eaten by a gigantic Mr. Pants? Now, I don’t particularly dislike these big-things-eat-little-things-especially-if-big-thing-resides-in-the-water scenarios, but… having Lupus fly out of that big bug’s arse? That’s going a bit far, don’t you think?
Also, I am giving Banjo-Tooie two very large thumbs up. And having the washing machine return, with the added benifit of tightie whities, excellent.
I noticed a box in Grunty’s factory… Twycross? Was this some shipment of material that didn’t make it to your office? Like don’t make Dr. Caroll a she-male? Thank you for you time.
BNLbum
How else was Lupus meant to get out? Believe us, we took no enjoyment from having to reproduce a big arse on the screen like that. Anyway, here’s the official Banjo team view on your other bits and pieces:
“I think you’ll find it states in all video games characters’ contracts that ‘you shall be required to experience the inside of a digestive system at least once during your travels’. It’s next to the clause that demands there is an ice or fire level of some sorts in there too.
“The box in Grunty Industries contains the secret plans to Banjo-Onelessthanfouro, the next instalment of the series which features Loggo in Banjo’s backpack and worlds so large that they require a cartridge… er, disk, each. Scheduled to appear 2010.”
Dear “Gay Video Hell”, no hang on, I think I have my letters mixed up…
Oh dear, that one cracks me up every time…
Aaaanyway… I thought I’d just write and ask about After-Dark… you see, my brother’s girlfriend’s cousin’s friend’s dad works at Nintendo, and I got the Beta version through email. Wow! This game looks awesome! And I spotted in one of the character menus… could it be true? – a Mr. Pants character!!! Yay! Does this mean that there could be other Rareware characters in it? Maybe you could ask ‘Bot’ Botwood if he could put in Mr. Trout… hmm… there’s an idea.
Next… on an entirely different note, why did we not see the mug of Leighus Lovedayus in Perfect Dark. I’m sure many of your fans would have loved to have the chance of shooting on your fizzog. Wait… no, that didn’t come out right.
And one more question… was the voice of Joanna and Cassandra the same person, because I only saw one female in the credits for voice acting… or could it be true that you carried your talents of the “voice of Vela” over to PD? Oh and was that “This is intolerable, it’s… it’s, unprofessional!” speech done by Duncan B, because looking back at those N64 Magazine pics, that’s how I would imagine him to speak… saying “Room” as “Rum”… of course, posh git.
-Martin Badowsky/Alf-Life
PS. Why doesn’t Tusk get credit for the HTML code, if you aren’t, in fact, him? Eh? Eh?!
PPS. I was “flicking through” (honest) Nintendo Official Magazine when I caught sight of the Uncle Tusk column… ’twas funny, but not nearly as clever/evil as the Rarewhere Column “he” writes…
PPPS. Garry Haywood asked me to give this back to you… it’s your favourite pair of pink panties, he said. That is all.
There are two females in the voice acting credits, i.e. the two who did Joanna and Cassandra. One of them was also the ‘voice’ of Vela (‘voice’ as in ‘series of grunts’), yes. I did actually ‘model’ a suitable grimace for potential enemy guard face-pastage, but it must have been one of those that didn’t make it. Probably for the best – you lot are all psychos anyway. And Botters says: “This man is consuming too much of something. Sugar, caffeine, drugs… No, that wasn’t me doing that voice, I’m much more common.”
PS Tusk hands me all his responses scrawled in blood on a big flap of alligator skin and I have to type it up for him.
PPS That’s because they have to tone them down. You know – for kids.
PPPS They’re not pink, they’re lavender! What do you take me for, some kind of perv?
Odelay Mr. Loveday (or Dear Scribes, if you prefer),
Having recently completed Jet Force Gemini for the third time, I decided to surf the net for JFG related sites. Having done that, I’ve found some of the older screenshots from the beta stages of the game and other interesting things from the original version. In all three of the times I played through the game, I thought to myself while playing Vela’s three stages before Mizar’s Palace that Cerulean is a very easy stage. It’s the only stage before Mizar’s Palace that has only one branch, the Dune. If played correctly, a gamer will only have to go through this branch once, collecting all tribals the first time. There’s no spaceship part there, again, the only of the stages in which there isn’t other than the abandoned Spacestation.
However, so many things before the game’s release implies that there is much much more to this planet than the Dune. For example, there was a preview foldout poster in the April 1999 Volume 119 issue of Nintendo Power showing the original Vela holding a Tri-Rocket Launcher ahead of her snarling. Behind her are the pyramid type mounds and moon that form the background on the outside area of the Dune. She is on Cerulean on this poster. There is also an early screenshot that I’ve found showing Vela on the Dune branch with an eerily shaped city skyline in the background. This has obviously been deleted in the final version. However, all the backgrounds, textures, and colorings of the worlds are the same as the released version except this skyline. Also, in the gallery of promos for the game on your own website, there is a photo in which you titled Under Cover of Darkness in which the Jet Force team are hiding out beside water in which the pyramid mounds in the backdrop of the Dune are very nearby. They seem not made of dirt as they do in the background of the actual game but rather structures made by intelligent life.
So, my question is (and for this, perhaps I should have mailed this to Uncle Tusk), but what happened to these cities? Why were they taken out of the game? And were they originally other branches to the Cerulean stage, other places to gather Tribals and for separate Jet Force members to go to? For the past few weeks now since I made these discoveries, I have wondered dearly what these branches must have been like.
I hope you haven’t answered this before where I haven’t seen it.
Signed,
The Playstationh8er
P.S. I noticed the females jiggling long before Professor Knütszach’s letter last Scribes.
Seeing as the Jet Force designer has buggered off home for Xmas – an inevitable drawback of trying to knock together a big Scribes this late in the year – I’d better try to collar the artist myself… aha!
“The Lost Cities of Cerulean – I can almost feel an overlong cartoon series coming on.
“The Cerulean city belonged to a long forgotten alien culture with a technology far superior to our own. So superior, in fact, that they could cause it to vanish at will – leaving no trace that it had ever existed, except to the marginally insane members of our civilisation who constantly harped on about images they had once seen in a dark and secret corner of the universe that really would be best left alone.
“Or, alternatively – we ran out of memory on the already vast Cerulean level, and the buildings glitched when viewed from a long distance.”
Dear Scribes Person\God,
I have a number of interesting observations about several prominent (dare I add stupendous as well…) Rare games.
1. Jet Force Gemini – I have noticed that during the final Mizar scene, using “rainbow blood”, Mizar has spontaneously bled while flying away from me. Could this imply that perhaps Mizar (I’m not going to tell who Mizar really is, for those of you who are not good enough to get to him) is female and is having his\her\its pe- (No, stop it. – Ed)? Something to think about while trying to go to sleep.
2. Perfect Dark – The people in Carrington Institute are not scratching their crotches! They are checking their fly! When you look at someone for a while without saying anything what are you going to do? Check to see if your fly is up!! Though I don’t know if people in the future have flies or not…
3. Donkey Kong – Where exactly does Lanky pull his Grape Shooter out from?
4. Thank you for (hopefully) posting my letter! My letter didn’t even say “arse” once! OOPS! No P.S. either!
Sincerely,
Flick “Magic Doorknob” Montana (!)
- That’s not blood, it’s… sherbet. You’ve shot a hole in Mizar’s bag of sherbet. You vicious sod.
- The designer clarifies: “They are scratching their crotches. They are also checking their flies. You can in most cases do both at once.”
- Probably the same place that Mumbo keeps his wand.
- No problem. Though your quality porn star name did help sway my judgement.
Haven’t seen me for a while, have you?
I’ve been noticing the lowering quality of Scribes as of yet. Whilst Mr. Pants was funny back in the ‘day’, now he’s only funny when someone makes a game about him, or he’s shoved into one of your games. And every other letter has “Mr. Pants” in it. Remember when people hated the poor guy? Now he can’t walk the streets without someone trying to whap him over the head with something blunt and steal his pants to sell on the black market. And back in the “day” when I would read an edition, I would laugh many. many, many times. Now it’s only about twice per edition. So I ask all you readers, shut up about Mr. Pants already, before he loses all of his merit!
Now then, onto a stupid number list thing.
1. This may be considered old news, but many people were suprisingly offended by the use of “hell” in the DK rap. Well, they should be happy to know that it has been toned down since the original version. With my DK64 Beta (you heard me) I found out that the original line was “he can’t jump high, but this Kong’s one f—ing b-st-rd” and then trailed off into a number of racial slurs. However, one of it was censored as how I wrote it in this letter. So all you disgruntled parents be happy with what you have.
2. “The Fabled Panther King” has to be one of your best character names ever. Not as good as “The Evil Acorn”, but still…
3. I was going to say something about B-K and B-T‘s connection, but then noticed that this is rareware.net, not Rarenet’s message boards. Arse.
4. I’ve noticed the use of “Rar” many times in Banjo-Tooie. Exobyte, or just coincidence?
Crazy Albert
P.S.: My name’s Krunch!
Hope you’re enjoying this edition’s brand new Mr. Pants content!!! Laugh, you no good son of a…
1) I could well believe that.
2) Maybe one day we’ll do a tag team wrestling game and team up these two world-straddling supervillains.
3) So you said “Arse” instead. That’s as fitting as anything, I suppose.
4) Probably just Floyd’s subliminal impact on global language conventions.
Dear Mr. Scribes,
You’ve just won the Millionaire Sweepstakes! 2nd place, to be exact. Your prize is: Receiving an e-mail from me!
Now that I’ve gotten your attention…
1. What would I get if I beat all of the DKR times that are shown during the Adventure 2 credits? (other than a trip to my local asylum, mind you)
1.5. I’ve included these “practicallyimpossibletobeat” times in 2 rubbish attachments so all the inhabitants of Scribesland can enjoy their magnificence. You had better print this e-mail, as I had to buy a TV card for my computer to get these images. Does the text file have the correct times? (320×240 is the best the card could do on such short notice.)
2. Same as #1, except replace “DKR” with “Blast Corps“, “times that are shown during the Adventure 2 credits” with “Platinum Times”, and “asylum” with “mental institution”.
3. You and Uncle Tusk both have the same e-mail address, how are the e-mails sorted between you and that elephant, er, barbarian, if the sender doesn’t specify? Unless… You and Uncle Tusk are the same person! That really explains a lot, except for why Rare would have 2 letter pages with the same person? (Or two letter pages at all for that matter, it seems unnecessary.)
3.5 (This is not a question. Just leave whatever comment you feel like typing.) Ahem, When I first started surfing this site oh so many years ago, I thought that the name “Uncle Tusk” was referring to the elephant that I saw in the DKR demo at my not-so-local Wal-Mart oh so many years ago. (Taj DOES have tusks, Tusk DOESN’T have tusks (at least none that I can see))
4. What is the proper British way to spell e-mail: “e-mail”, “eMail”, or “email”. Or don’t you guys care at all?
5. How did you hide the “Ginger Beer” in Banjo-Tooie and the “He’s a h*** of a guy!” in the DK Rap from the ESRB?
6. Please don’t make any more people-shooting games. I’m not allowed to buy Perfect Dark OR Goldeneye due to their human-harming violence (even though I’m 15). I was allowed to buy Jet Force Gemini because it’s all about hurting bugs and not people, so PLEEEEEEZE make a JFG sequel! You could combine it with a Blast Corpssequel on the same Gamecube disc!
7. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU (Rare in general, not you in particular) for making Perfect Dark andGoldeneye! More to come after Conker’s BFD release.
8. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU (Rare in general, not you in particular) for making JFG, BC, B-K, DKC3, and many others! More to come after DinoPlanet release (I hope).
9. I own Donkey Kong Land 2 for GameBoy. Do you think I should get Donkey Kong Country 2 for SNES?
10. I spent days (well, minutes spread out over days) choosing the questions and checking the punctuation and spelling in this e-mail. You had better appreciate it.
11. I hate Mrs. Pie, Mr. Pie, and Mr. Trout.
Sincerely,
Mike-ro$oft (a.k.a. Mike-ro$oftooie, evil twin of Kablooie, Bwahaha (a.k.a. Mr. Mike-ro$oft, Mr. Pants’ distant cousin (a.k.a. Mike-ro$oft Kong, Lanky Kong’s long-lost stepbrother (a.k.a. King Mike-ro$oftaling, King of the Mike-ro$oftinjos))))(I like Parentheses (maybe I’ll be a programmer))
P.S. I’m sorry for trying to get your attention with that Millionaire contest thing, feel free to hit me on the head with Mr. Pants’s hat if it makes you feel better.
1) Once more then, for the record: if you beat those times, you get the satisfaction of knowing you’ve beaten the times set by the debug departments of Rare, Nintendo of America and Nintendo Co. Ltd. (Japan). Is that not enough?
2) Same as #1, except replace “Is that not enough?” with “That’s probably not enough, but we don’t care.”
3) Theoretically, Tusk deals with gaming problems and I deal with… other rubbish. In practice it doesn’t always work out like that, natch. If a letter’s specifically addressed to either Scribes or Tusk, it goes there regardless of relevance. Otherwise I decide where it should go. Usually the bin, I’ve noticed.
4) That’s right.
5) We didn’t – they’re just not even remotely offensive. Or so we thought. Sigh.
6) How dare you? Comments like this are slanderous and hurtful to the insect community. Insect rights! Big up the exoskeleton massive!
7-10) Oh, I can’t be arsed.
11) As if those speciesist anti-insect comments weren’t enough, there you go flaunting the kind of destructive knee-jerk hatred that proved directly responsible for Mr. Trout’s death. I’m saddened and appalled.
Oy, arse muttering, bam like, shouty people at Scribes,
I played Jetpac on Donkey Kong 64 expecting it to be crap just like the original Donkey Kong, sorry but everyone’s entitled to their opinion and I didn’t find slowly crawling to top of a blocky screen appealing and yes I know in 1981 graphic technology wasn’t as advanced… actually why the hell am I apologizing you had nothing to do with the game!
Anyway, new paragraph, I really enjoyed playing Jetpac, in fact it was, and still is the most addictive non-PC or N64 game I’ve ever played. I know the game was created by Ultimate who are now defunct so I was wondering if any ex-Ultimate staff work with you and could think about creating a Gamecube version keeping the same gameplay elements and making a fast-paced, action packed shoot-’em-up but with much more in-depth gameplay as a whole with strategy playing a much bigger part.
Like for some missions you would be instructed to kill all the evil aliens, protect all the weak and Elvis like (the Maian not the singer) ones, retrieve an alien weapon and collect a certain amount of money which you use to buy a ship and get your ass, sorry arse off the level!
Sounds good doesn’t it? Or not maybe. The game would have a third-person viewpoint for true JFG-style carnage and tons of armageddonistic weapons for budding psychotic and violent megalomaniacs out there. So please, please could you tell me if Jetpac 128 or whatever it’d be called could be a possibility?
Stuart Gillies, Glasgow
PS. Who created Mr Pants? I can’t find the relevant info on your website.
No current plans that I know of, but the likelihood of resurrecting past series does seem to have taken a leap up with the advent of the good old GBA. So keep your eyes peeled.
Little-known fact: JFG did actually go through an early design phase of being either a new addition to the Jetman series or a sequel to Alien 8. Note that I campaigned fiercely for the respective causes of Alien 8 Squared and Stellar Jetman. Well, maybe not that fiercely, but I definitely muttered something about them being good names once or twice.
As for ex-Ultimate staff, well, seeing as Ultimate was basically just the Stampers and they still own the company, I suppose you could say they’re still around…
PS Um, no idea.
Dear Scribes (I don’t know if this is added or if I’m supposed to put it in… and now I’ll never know),
I would like to briefly comment on Rare games on the N64, using these wonderfully crafted haikus. Enjoy.
Perfect Dark:
You make shooting fun
And playing with friends is fun
You should get a raise
GoldenEye:
You make shooting fun
You came before Perfect Dark
You made James Bond cool
Jet Force Gemini:
This game is real long
But blowing stuff up was fun
I demand sequels
Banjo-Kazooie:
You’re like Mario
But I finished Banjo-K
Get Jiggy wit’ it
Banjo-Tooie:
You’re cleverly named
You came after Banjo-K
And I like you more
Mickey’s Speedway USA:
Mickey was cool once
And this game was really fun
But now it is done
(Going to have to stop you there: I’m in too much pain to continue. – Ed)
The brilliance flowing from these haikus is staggering…
Nathan
Yes, it’s certainly staggered me. Do you think you could try to… you know… never do it again? Go on, I’ll even resort to the obvious tactic of making up some of my own as some twisted form of compensation:
Perfect Dark
Name makes little sense
Academic; you can shoot
Men in eyes and crotch
Jet Force Gemini
Happy, laughing world
Guns and gore and bombs and that
Bug-o-splat-me-do
Hello there,
There was a letter in Tusk not long ago that, after a bit of translation into comprehensible English, seemed to suggest – quote – a “Heat Ray; fire it at a drone and they will melt. Think about it! Blasting a ray of heat at your enemy and watching them melt in agony!”
Now, I don’t really know why it was sent to Tusk because the only question in it, as far as I could tell, was “You like that sort of thing, right? Right?”. But still, that aside, here’s what it got me thinking about:
I’m a Brit but I have to admit, we do have a couple of oddballs (Americans) in the family and a while back, one of them came to stay. We were sitting in front of a bus stop one day and she pulled out this little thing that looked like an inhaler or something. I’m now extremely glad that I didn’t ask for a puff myself because it turned out to be that bstrd “highly painful and so available only to kids age 8+ in the U.S.” Mace stuff. You know, the spray with pepper and stuff in it that burns a hole in someone’s face. Anyway, I was shocked to see her spray it on the ground and, by chance, onto an ant.
I was even more shocked to see said ant visibly MELT as it struggled to get out. It was really quite disturbing, but at the same time highly entertaining. She sprayed it on to a few more and they too dissipated into a few gases, and I can tell you, it wasn’t a fast process either. The things audibly fizzed as they went from the bottom upwards.
Now, before you hide in a cupboard for days, I think I’ll get right to the point: incoherent and childish as that previous letter was, it had a point. Any JFG sequel really could do with a melt-o-gun or something. All I ask is that, should you decide to create a follow-up (and you really ought to, you know), and decide to stick some similar weapon into the game, you base it upon the mace/ant incident. Because believe me, the personal enjoyment would be through the roof.
Thank ye kindly,
Richard Broderick
Americans in the family… are you related to Matthew? Tell him he completely ruined Ladyhawke.
In the event of a JFG sequel, no doubt the range of weapons on offer would be given a facelift, so a Melt-O-Gun would entirely possible. In fact it could well have been considered for the original – I know there was a Shrinking Ray in there for quite a while. Most importantly of all, as long as there’s a place reserved for the Fish Food, everyone’s happy.
Dear sheath-wearing scribesman of the Serengheti savannah,
Somewhere in the jockstrap region of my mind, a fetid memory bubbles pungently and billows forth, too buoyant to repress and too vile to ignore. Something about a game called JFG. Something about a droid named Floyd with a characteristically fierce “rar!” trademark warcry. Then many Scribes ago, something about a newspaper clipping about a malevolent hurricane off the coast of Florida. Something about untold damage done to property and human life combined…
Have a look at the attached file and quail in fear as yet another JFG character with a penchant for violence rains wholesale destruction upon the hapless Disneyland State. Do you know something about this that we don’t?
Secondly, I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and the ending was empty and mirthless. I watched 2001 AD: A Space Odyssey, and the ending was oblique (and somewhat arbitrary in the book). I read Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, and the ending was a bare-faced cop-out. They were all nice while they lasted, but it seemed that the writers couldn’t think of a way to give a meaningful ending so they fudged it or just dodged the issue.
Then I thought of JFG – top-notch shooting and races galore, but with an ending that goes for humor (of a sort) at the expense of all else. Uninvited, BFD entered my mind forcibly – unconventionally amusing gameplay with a wonderful array of weapons and challenges, but with an ending halfway between a desperately unfunny deus ex machina and a vague attempt at atmospheric weirdness. Crumbs, thought I in depression, has it come to this? Time for the nembies – come hither, my dears…
But seriously, I think movies and books (my earlier examples) will pretty much stay the same forever. Books are pretty much the same as they’ve always been for the past few centuries, and movies are pretty similar dating through the past few decades. But what Gamecube and the rest of the consoles are showing is a very rapid increase in the quality and possible length and complexity (through increased memory capacity) of future games. I really hope that this can lift whatever constraints might have shackled you in the past. If anyone can do it, it’s you, because you have your undeniable achievements and Nintendo’s mighty support behind you.
So even if nobody else agrees with me, I’d like to stake out this lonely argumentative corner of the discussional woods, and say that the endings matter to me. Your earlier comment was (humorously intended, I have no doubt) that closure is so passe already. Well, you’re not the only ones to forward this view, if contemporary film and books are anything to go by, it’s entirely possible that I truly am old fashioned in my expectations regarding storyline and closure. But the future seems to hold so much more opportunity for great games – and games so good and so thoughtful that they might no longer even qualify as “pastimes”, more like “cultural pursuits”.
I hope you give this some thought whilst I’m still soused as a newt. Before you know it, I’ll be back to my old self again and this moment of clarity will be a thing of the past.
HMB
PS Can’t find a wretched e acute on this lousy American keyboard.
You don’t half go on. But it’s so rare to get a letter that successfully uses words and phrases like ‘oblique’, ‘deus ex machina’ and, er, ‘jockstrap’ that I can’t bring myself to hack it down.
Surely the JFG ending goes for humour in addition to the usual glory, ceremony, fireworks etc. – it’s not as if it cuts straight to Juno doing his thang and robs you of the traditional rewards. And the BFD ending was intended to be unexpected and make you think. Neither are bad intentions as far as I’m concerned, and they’re a lot more interesting than just being handed the same old halfhearted, reiterated cut scenes – well done, world saved, the end.
Increasing the quality of games with the new generation of hardware is obviously something we’ve set our sights on, but it’s not as simple as just saying “right, let’s make this next one really long and dead complicated”. Team size is growing, but we’re still talking about a hell of a lot of manpower, and we don’t particularly want five-year gaps in our release schedule. You’ll just have to wait and see how we do…
That Barry, eh? And he said he’d changed his ways.
Hi Scribe.
I finished JFG ages ago, and just recently got around to playing through it again. The first time I played through, my mentality was along the lines of ‘Shoot, collect guns, progress to next level’. It was the second time through that I noticed all of the extra detail that had gone into the game. (I recommend that anybody who hasn’t played JFG in the last 12 months do so) There was a few things that disturbed me about JFG though…
(Here come the inevitable numbered questions.)
1) The fireworks that you see in the background while Vela, Juno and Lupus are walking towards the title screen look suspiciously like exploding Ants… Are they? Are these some sort of demented revenge tactics that the Jet Force teams are exacting upon the ants for trying to take over the universe?
2) Have you got any JFG conceptual art of things that were scrapped from the final version? (That the public can see.) Or from any other Rare game for that matter?
Thanks for your time,
Bronzetiger
1) No, they’re not. And stop saying Ants when you know as well as I do that they’re Drones (despite the fantastic UK advertising slogan “Kill Ants, Save Bears” – all thanks to a classic sarcasm-taken-seriously misunderstanding).
2) We might have. I haven’t been able to find anything yet, but I’ll keep rummaging around. Why specifically stuff that was axed? What’s wrong with proper official artwork for the finished game, eh?
Well how diddly and a jar of mustard to you, sir.
No, no solvents my friend, just my usual self. As it happens I have a few questions. Original. Certainly not. In the hope of comedy… I doubt it, but, who cares, here they are.
1. Are you sure there is no monkey in Train on GoldenEye?
2. Which lazy nubbins did the end sequence for BFD; why the hell make it so ‘gay-cheap-American-film’ esque?
3. Do you ever get bits of roast beef stuck in your teeth?
4. Can we have a JFG sequel? I have never even seen the original, but it seems a requirement now to say the same damn thing to get your letter on this site.
5. PD push button codes… see above.
6. Why did you decide to let THQ in on BFD, £60 for God’s sake? Surely even a game of that social-life-consuming goodness doesn’t deserve a price tag that belongs to Elton John’s florist.
7. I imagine Mr. Editor Blokey to be a fairly stout, short, pot-bellied bloke with stubble. How far off the mark am I?
Your friend in need,
Simon Hanzl
P.S- When I find my sense of humour I may write again.
P.P.S- Never attempt to open your old N64 game carts. They are a real bitch to put back.
P.P.P.S- No real reason, but having a PPPS makes it look so much neater. 3 is a nice round number to finish on.
Enough. Numbered. Lists. What did I do wrong? Did I murder someone without realising it? Or what?
1. Not that we know of, but those Secret Cloaked Traitor Ghost Beta Monkeys are always looking for opportunities to sneak into our games.
2. Couldn’t possibly comment, not being an expert in the field of inexpensive homosexual US porn.
3. No – I only eat junkfood.
4. Hard to disagree with your reasoning in the face of current evidence.
5. But I wouldn’t go that far.
6. Better than no PAL release at all, so stop moaning.
7. Miles on every count, but still not far enough to goad me into posting a picture to disprove it.
Dear Scribes,
I’m certainly not holding my breath waiting for a sequel to Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll (a true sequel, not a standard side-scroller like Sneaky Snakes), but considering that it’s easily one of my favorite NES games ever, I’d like to know whether you (meaning Rare in general; I’m not sure whether you were even working at Rare at the time this game was made) had ever considered making another version of Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll.
And I’m taking a wild guess here, but is the Blast Corps/Jet Force Gemini team the one working on Kameo? I’m guessing they are, if for no other reason than because of the size of Kameo’s breasts. I’m not really a fan of overly-large breasts, but Vela’s had a nice jiggle to them, so if it’s the same animator working on Kameo’s, then I feel they’re in good hands. And any imagery of a pair of hands cupping Kameo’s large, jiggly breasts is a product of your sex-obsessed mind, not mine. Or maybe both, but not mine exclusively, at any rate.
Josh Townzen
More breast letters? Sigh. No, the Kameo team consists more of DK64 veterans than grizzled Jet Force squaddies. Popular misconception: the JFG team wasn’t identical to the Blast Corps team. It just had a few of the same people (including the designer), along with quite a few drafted in from DKR and elsewhere. People invariably move around between (and during) projects.
As for a Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll revival, you can take your standard response of “we might do, maybe, at some point” and be happy with it, you scamp.
Dear Scribes,
Right, so I finish Jet Force Gemini last night. During the awards ceremony, I hear Magus mumbling off something to the tune of “Magic, magic! Kill me or you’ll fear! Fruity fruity little b*stards speaking!”. After which, he proceeds to moan like he was beat about the sconce with a shovel. Being the inquisitive fellow I am, I turned the music off and beat Mizar again. Back at the awards ceremony, I finally got to hear what I think he’s really saying: “Badges badges! What have we got here? Lovely, lovely little badges sparkling!”. Once again, he proceeds to sound like a goat with its head stuck in a turnstile. Could you possibly get an actual quote instead of me guessing? I hope you also post a sound clip, I’ve sent you a bottle of vermouth to butter you up.
– Ian Maloney
Who the hell’s Magus? Is this some twisted Gemini Trigger dream you’ve had? Or did you just mean to say Jeff? Easy mistake to make…
I didn’t think anyone would remember the actual quote, but the musician reckons: “It was in fact ‘Now then now then what have we here, lovely, lovely little badges for you’ (I can’t spell the Jimmy Saville/Tarzan bit). I’ll see if I can dig out the .wav file.”
Heya crazy Scribes’ guy,
I just picked up several N64 games, seeing as they are now dirt-cheap. One of these was Jet Fork Gemini, which I am finding to be quite enjoyable. Whilst playing through Ichor Base in puffs of launcher smoke pierced by sniper bolts, I came to the conclusion that being able to play as a Tribal would be quite fun, especially if it were the baby Tribal. Also questions:
1) Why do the homing missiles go off all weird if you didn’t get a target lock when you fired them? Why not just a straight line?
2) If Vela has giant shoes, how can she jump so high? Is it because of her miniskirt?
3) Any new plans for this franchise?
Regards,
Fletch
P.S. What in hell is this whole push-button PD codes thing? I don’t get it.
Wow! Chevy Chase!
1) They’re trying to be nice and homing in on what they think you’re trying to hit. Is that good enough? No, I don’t suppose it is. Let me badger the game’s designer for answers, then: “I don’t know and I can’t be bothered to make anything up.”
2) “No, it’s because she has blue hair.”
3) “No, because people have only started ‘picking it up’ now that it’s ‘dirt cheap’…”
PS Ignorance is bliss. Trust me.
Dear Sir Scribe,
First of all, congratulations on remaining so moderately witty in the face of reasonable idiocy. Now that you are dazzled with my politeness, you will feel most inclined to answer my questions. And don’t try to skirt round the edges and give me rubbish for answers, like you do with most stupid people.
1) I expect this is often asked, or it was before you got fed up of answering – was that a real sample of Jimmy Saville at the end of JFG, or did you think you were being funny?
2) How do you ever get any work done if you spend all day answering my questions? Oh, wait a minute, that’s your whole job, isn’t it?
3) What language do Rare Programmers use? I reckon you should all use Delphi, like me. Admittedly, I have nothing to show for my insane tinkering, but you might.
4) Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!
5) What with me being a bit of a programmer and all, I come up with the odd game now and then. I had one idea, which I reckon you should use. If you give me lots of money and some new shoes I’ll tell you what it is.
6) Make sure you all celebrate ‘National Blooby Weasel Day’ on June 18th.
7) I really don’t know why I bother numbering these anymore.
Well, that’s me done with.
NIMZO
1) We remain entirely convinced to this day that we were being funny.
2) What, just answering your questions? I’d have packed that in for something more rewarding years ago…
3) See next letter. Convenient, eh?
4) No. I’m keeping it now, because you’ve been cheeky.
5) Well, if you put it like that… what kind of shoes?
6) A bit of half-arsed research turns up the fact that June 18th is Paul McCartney’s birthday – are you calling Paul McCartney a ‘blooby weasel’?
7) Predictably enough, I don’t know why I’m still bothering to answer them.
Dear Scribes,
I have a few stupid questions (and rants), not exactly intelligent or interesting, and mostly related to the eighth wonder of the world, Starfox Adventures, but I numbered them in order just for you!
[1] Like everybody else, I’m looking forward to SFA. And since this is a Starfox game, was the development team planning on putting Starwolf in it (or at least mentioning them) at anytime in development? We all know they aren’t dead… just seriously injured… last I checked.
[2] Just checking if you still highlight Dinosaur Planet since you dropped it off the final title. I’m too lazy to look through your older letters. And speaking of which, will you ever put some of the old Dinosaur Planet movies (I saw the one you put on your site) and images somewhere on your site? Few websites still have the original images, yet are not easy to find.
[3] Does sending fan art improve the chances of getting a letter printed in Scribes, especially if it’s decent? Or perhaps you look through letters randomly and pluck out whatever your mouse pointer lands on…
[4] I bought 4.6 kg of gummy bears and I think it was one of the best investments I’ve made in a long time.
[5]
[6] I noticed some similarities between SFA and Jet Force Gemini. One of them is Prince Tricky, who seems to be a Floyd type character from the movies I’ve seen. Will he perform similar actions as Floyd, or will he be much more useful?
[7] Is the Rareware HQ a friendly environment with sophisticated and professional individuals, or are there people there that just want to party while they work? Heh, have you ever seen how they run PC magazine offices? It’s beautiful!
That’s about all I wanted to say, but I’m going to kick myself for not remembering something else only you could answer. Have a nice day reading all this rubbish!
Your friend,
Banny
1) From the SFA team: “Starwolf decided to not get involved this time, they wanted to rest before any future missions commence…”
2) It’s no longer part of the name, so it doesn’t get the green. I can’t imagine DP images making a comeback unless the story behind the game ends up in the Limbo section.
3) Believe me, a random selection of letters would be unintelligible. RPAs can improve your chances if done well/really badly. Wait, what am I saying?
4) We understand your need to boast.
5) …hello?
6) Yes, Tricky also hovers around your head and peppers your enemies with laser fire. Then explodes.
7) I’ll give them ‘professional’, but like every other workplace, Rare has its fair share of staff members who appear less than familiar with the word ‘sophisticated’ (or, indeed, ‘party’).
hey rare team,
i don’t know what the hell has become of this page (tolets, bad poo jokes and rymes)
anyway, i was playing jet force gemini and i was looking at the trees in goldwood. at the bottom of the trees is a open part and its full of wires. why did you’s do that? everything in goldwood is basic old and rocky, but the trees are robotic! its not like king jeff and barry made some A.I trees to look better. anyway, please answer mr feather or whatever that pants guy is.
from ‘I FINISHED JET FORCE GEMINI IN 31:50!’ (Nerdpower)
Still laughing at the irony of your opening sentence, I’ll pass this one on to the artist responsible…
“I thought it would have been obvious that masses of Mizar’s nasty nano-bots consumed the once magnificent tree, and transformed the subjugated trunk into an evil underground factory for churning out infinite swarms of nasty flying robots hell-bent on the annihilation of Jet Force! How would you know that it was an evil underground factory if it didn’t have shiny metallic walls, wires and flashy lights?”
Tawfret?
What’s the deal with Tawfret, Eschebone and Rith Essa?
I’m a huge JFG fan but, I don’t get it.
I put the words in a word descrambler on the internet and nothing came up.
I spent a good portion of my life playing that game, I deserve to know.
b0b330
P.S. If it’s too offensive just e-mail the response!
Well, I don’t find it offensive, but that’s not saying much. Whether or not the lack of response from a family-friendly internet descrambler should be taken as meaningful is up to you…
Dear Scribes,
An English test I did not pass, but this rhyme shall kick your ass,
There is a game company – it goes by the name of Rare, They bring us great games, like that of a bird and bear.
They work hours on end, night after night, Exhausting themselves, to bring us the crap we delight!
Lo and behold, Nintendo is no more, To Xbox have they moved (for the better, I’m sure).
So now I shall sulk, for my father is tight – “No need for an Xbox ‘cause PC’s are right!”
A few questions I have to ask of you, Just read ‘em, and try not to spew…
- Tell me now, oh dear Rareware – Shall you continue the adventures of a bird and bear?
They need continuation – they do indeed! So make us a game with great graphics and high speed!
You have moved from the big N to the big X, So will the rumoured Banjo-Threeiebe next?
Yoda said that “Produce it you might not.” Tell me you will, or my brain shall rot. - And what about that dear old game – The one where you blow up Drones (it wasn’t lame!)
JFGI would like to see once more, But don’t make Mizar such a bore!
Lupus was fun – yes indeed, But more guns are what I need.
How about one that always lasts – When times get desperate, rocket with your a$$! - CBFDwas a jewel, And Tediz blasting was so cool!
Gregg the Grim Reaper truly rules, And the way he swears makes me drool.
But my favourite moment was the time, When Chucky Poo sang and rhymed!
His song sure kicks nuts, So will it be on Live & Uncut? Ponder on this thought, oh dear Rare, Though I know you don’t really care.
‘Tis time to go now – I’m bringing this rhyme to a close, For my snot is runny, and I must blow my nose!
I’m giving up rhyming and going to bed, ‘Cause it’s too hard, and I must rest my head.
So long for now, my dear Rareware, ‘Cause my rhyming SUCKS… So there! Poo to you,
ChibiChu
Rare Reply: Now Rhyming Anon’s really going to sulk over the hacking of his poem last time. And I bet you want me to answer in crappy verse as well, don’t you? Unngh.
1) Banjo the series is a shining Rare jewel – if you think it’s abandoned, you’re some kind of tool.
But when we return there, let’s hope the name alters, ‘cos Banjo-Threeie sucks the Rock of Gibraltar.
2) Another Gemini fanboy, I see, requesting an answer that isn’t “maybe”.
But that’s my best offer, and face it, it’s true – Banjo’s more likely, and so’s Time Lord 2.
3) The whole of BFD should reappear, including the Overlord of Diarrhoea.
So those are your answers, I know they’re all poo – next time you can bloody well ask something new.
Dear Scribes: Satan has my soul and I need your help.
I was just talking to Satan the other day and you guys seemed to come up in our conversation. You see, I was playing a match of ‘pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey’ to see if I could win my soul back. I lost it in a bet. I told him that you guys would revive one of your greatest games on the Xbox (no, not Jeopardy), Jet Force Gemini.
I said “if Rareware revives this game with up-to-date graphics and great dynamic lighting, then it will no doubt be a top seller.” Then I had to open my fat mouth and say “I bet you my soul that this game will come out before the end of Xbox’s reign.”
Being the Devil and all, he could not refuse. What I didn’t know at that time was that he was hiding his true power. He could tell what will happen in the future by looking at his reflection. Just then, he whipped out a mirror and shouted “Mirror Mirror on the wall, let us see Rareware’s future and all”. To my surprise, it was that Rare Timeline in the year 2008, with sadly no visible evidence that you have made a remake of Jet Force Gemini with up-to-date graphics and great dynamic lighting.
He then turned to me and said, “well little pathetic man, you are wrong” (in the voice of Chewbacca’s dad from the Star Wars Holiday Special. It was a bit hard to understand, but I got the message).
He then took my soul and here I am, playing ‘pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey’ trying to win it back so I don’t have to spend the rest of my life in eternal damnation. Anyways, I was reading the book Getting Your Soul Back for Dummies while I was crapping on the toilet and came across this sentence. “To get your soul back, all you have to do is prove Satan wrong.” So it got me thinking. To get my soul back, all you have to do is remake Jet Force Geminiwith up-to-date graphics and great dynamic lighting. So please save me from the wrath of Saddam’s good friend Lucifer, and remake one of my favorite N64 games Jet Force Gemini with up-to-date graphics and great dynamic lighting.
Please be my savior,
Dan
Now that’s a hell of a roundabout way of saying “make JFG 2”. Especially when you know exactly what the answer’s going to be, i.e. “we might”. Though to be honest it’s more like “we might not” these days, what with most of the original team gone (and most of those permanently afflicted with a severe twitch at the sound of the JFG opening music).
Anyway, if we ever did bring back JFG, would you really prefer us to just revamp the original rather than come up with any new content? We’re getting enough flak from idiots for daring to make the original Bad Fur Day part of Conker: Live & Uncut.
Dear Scribes,
Longtime Rare fan, first time site-writing-in-person thingy. Basically I fell in love with your lot after Diddy Kong Racing and have hero-worshipped your software ever since blah blah blingy blingy. Small talk, yay! Now, tell me precisely what I want to know or I’ll feed you to the cat.
1) Am I the only person in the universe who still actually remembers DKR and would like to see a game based on DKR characters such as… come on, it’s obvious… Timber?
2) Are you planning such a game?
3) Is there any reason why JFG is continually slagged off by fans and I thought it was one of the best games you’ve ever made?
4) You’re making JFG 2. Please for the love of God, if you’re subjecting the world to It’s Mr Pants, please tell me you’re making JFG 2.
5) The Banjo games were, quite frankly, marvellous. Like every other Rare fan with more than one active brain cell I think that a 3rd Banjo adventure for Xbox would be a very, VERY good move.
Finished. I would have been more sarcastic, but I noticed your wily technique of completely humiliating anyone who tries to patronise you, which forced me to think otherwise. I’ve now cleverly managed to sidestep this lay-by and am still in your favour, of course. Bwa ha ha.
The 5th Sheep
1) Well, yes, I would have said you were the only fan of Timber if we hadn’t got a letter just this morning from another self-confessed boggle-eyed tiger enthusiast (see next letter).
2) Why, do you think that’d be a good idea? Considering the number of moaning sods who’ve already made a big song and dance over our apparent stupidity in releasing a family-friendly title as our Xbox debut?
3) Can’t say I’d noticed it was continually slagged off. The only mails I get about it are the ones that say “please tell me you’re making JFG 2”.
4) See?
5) Another popular request. Don’t take those comments from the last edition too seriously – this is Scribes, after all.
And by the way, sarcasm is allowed (even encouraged) as long as it’s accompanied by some questions which are DIFFERENT TO EVERYONE ELSE’S. Do you see?
Dear Scribes,
I’ve just got a few questions that’ve been buzzing around my skull for a few months now. If you could answer them, it’d save me a lot of money on question repellent.
1) I thoroughly enjoyed playing through Grunty’s Revenge on my GBA. However, while I thought that the music was done well, I couldn’t help but notice that Gruntilda’s Theme was suspiciously absent! I mean, I know that it wasn’t quite as notable in Banjo-Tooie as it was in Banjo-Kazooie, but we at least heard two or three measures during the battle against Hag 1 at the end of the game. So was leaving out Grunty’s Theme a conscious decision, or was it just something that people forgot about during the production?
2) In Jet Force Gemini, Ivana Bear says “Hello sailor,” a line that serves as a running joke for the late Infocom’s Zork games. Similarly, the robot that you collect the pieces for is named Floyd, which just happens to be the name of the robot-sidekick from Infocom’s Planetfall games. The two points makes me wonder: were there some big Infocom fans in the JFG production team?
3) Avoiding the question “will we see a new Banjo game,” I’ll skip right to the more enjoyable one: might the next Banjo game have the original Banjo-Kazooie game in it as an unlockable treat of some sort? It probably made more sense with Conker: Live and Reloaded what with that game’s focus on multiplayer. I’m just wondering if I’d be able to sell my N64 to help fund the purchase of the next console from Microsoft.
Affy Person
1) I suppose the obvious thing to do is ask the game’s musician: “No we didn’t forget about it! As Grunty’s Revenge was set in an alternate time/reality, I wanted the music to be different to B-K and B-T yet keep the Banjo style. Grunty became Mecha-Grunty so I used metallic sounds and mechanical rhythms to reflect that in her boss tune, whilst hopefully maintaining the pace and urgency of the original.”
2) There is kind of a story behind Ivana Bear, but it’s got nothing to do with Infocom. The Floyd thing must be coincidence too – my best guess is that we both hit on the same half-arsed ‘Floyd the Droid’ rhyme.
3) Is the extra handful of small change really going to help that much? B-K may well reappear in future, but probably not in the exact same form (see your other example, the revamped Bad Fur Day), so ultimately I suppose it depends on how much you value your original copy of the game.
Dear Scribes;
Now the delaying has started again, the complaints about Rare’s way of handling things keep growing. Personally, I don’t care much, but I would like to know something about it.
In response to a letter in the previous Scribes I read:
“These things happen. Sometimes it is largely perfectionism on our part, but usually (including this particular occasion) there are other important reasons beyond that.”
The part about perfectionism caught my attention. It made me wonder: When you guys play a game when it’s finally released, do you, at some points, think “This was well worth the delaying”, or is it just minor things you want to improve before releasing a game?
Another question: I really liked the music in Conker’s Bad Fur Day. I recall reading somewhere the tunes for Heist and Pooland were performed by a jazz orchestra? I don’t remember where I read that, it could be on this site. Anyway, is this true? Because it sounds very good and non-computery.
Also, I’ve never seen any other games where Robin Beanland has composed music for (maybe I haven’t paid enough attention during game credits)?
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading this,
Iain
Usually games are delayed because they’re just not ready. Yeah, it sounds obvious – but if, say, a multiplayer mode is only half-working, it’s not a question of whether or not the game can be released, it just can’t. This is usually how our perfectionism ties into it, with us wanting to include as many features as possible to make the game a complete package and eventually risking a deadline for it, rather than us simply saying “the game’s finished but we demand another two months to make the border around this menu screen look all shiny”. Changes to the franchise (SFA, Banjo Pilot) or the destination platform (er… some other games) can also be major factors in delaying a game.
Robin and his crazy-hoss surname have both been at Rare for over a decade, providing lighthearted musical accompaniment to several thousand games in that time. Probably. KI, KI2, JFG and Sabre Wulf are other names from his portfolio which may strike you as fleetingly familiar. In response to the jazz orchestra question, he says: “All MIDI files, we couldn’t afford the cartridge space to include live performances but I always try to make stuff sound as live as possible. The first trick to achieving that is not to use quantize (time correction), and to approach the parts as a live musician would – for instance, when you’re laying down a part for a wind instrument, make sure you put gaps in where the wind player would take a breath.” He’s a cunning swine, that Beanland.
Dear Scribes,
A) Back around last X-mas I was introduced to Halo, which was fun. That in turn led me to Halo 2, which got me hooked. I’ve snooped around bungie.net and I had a brainstorm. Apparently, your fellow MGS subsidiary Bungie holds a weekly “Humpday Challenge” where some group plays three matches of Halo 2 against Bungie. United under Microsoft, I would think it would be easy for Rare and Bungie to face off one week. I say send the PDZteam, they probably could use a day off. Needlers are underappreciated, but work wonders when used properly.
B) I had to comment about this eventually. Jet Force Gemini was probably my favorite N64 game, Mizar’s drones were a blast to blast, the third-person view = excellent, and the Tri-Rocket Launcher was the icing on the cartridge. I’ve played through it twice, and I have to know: As cute as they are, why do Tribals have blockheads? I just want to jam the little fella’s skull into my old VCR. While we’re on the subject: Why is that one Tribal render, the one in the manual (pg. 17) holding the staff-thing, so ugly?! They were so cute in the game…
C) I think that Mr Pants should be exalted as the greatest new artist of 2004, and that I really enjoy his scribble masterpieces. Is there a reason I can’t enlarge these great works to be seen in greater detail, or have I missed a button pressing combo that allows me to do so? My personal favorites are “Chilly Pants” and “Robo Pants”. Give Mr Pants my regard!
Now to recap: Rare vs. Bungie would be a legendary clash of Titans, Tri-Rocket Launcher > Needler but is still nifty, I got a platinum trophy in Marathon mode (whipped Crayon Snake’s arse!), and Octoman could take Master Chief in a Covenant Ghost race.
Zenek
Three questions, three teams, three answers. This company – it’s like a finely-tuned machine.
A) PDZ MP designer DB: “All too busy doing DLC. Plus we’d only complain about the total lack of roll or cover moves in Halo 2. Tch, what an oversight, etc.”
B) JFG artist and stream-of-consciousness specialist Steve: “OK Zenek, let’s put this baby to bed. Yes you’re right, the heads on the Tribals are lacking in copious amounts of polygons compared to the here and now but I did make up for this by making them very cutesy-wutesy (they didn’t seem so blocky when I did them). These furry guys were cutting-edge at the time and were actually loaded with polygons, pushing the N64 onto its back burners after the thrusters burnt out… you know what I’m saying… even if I don’t. Anyway, the reason they were quite grotesque in the manual was because I didn’t do them, somebody else did, I wasn’t good enough at doing nerbs, so my babies were taken away from me… my… what did they do! It’s OK, I’m over it now. I’m glad you think JFG is Max.”
C) Pants programmer Paul: “Mr. Pants is very proud of his art so he allows you to view it again in the gallery. Unfortunately Mr. Pants also realises that he is in fact proud of some pretty dire scribbling and so he doesn’t want anyone to scrutinise it too closely. His embarrassment is covered up in the games by having lots of blocks scattered all over the mistakes and rubbish colouring that he’s inflicted. Wipeout Special was his ultimate attempt to stop you seeing his pictures at full size as he completely covers them up with random blocks. The reason he doesn’t cover the pictures up much in Wipeout Easy is because he suffers from attention deficit disorder and forgot what he was doing halfway through. Now, for a magical secret prize: just how many different pairs of Pants are shown throughout the entire game? Answers on a postcard to…” Oi, cut that out. However, as a special present to Pants fans wanting to see some of his finest scrawlings in close-up, check out the It’s Mr. Pants Downloads page for a spanking new wallpaper commissioned from the game’s artist for this very purpose. Are we good to you, or what?
Dear Beloved Rare,
So I have just read that you have no upcoming games!! Here’s the evidence: “Okay, this could be slightly awkward: with the release of Kameo: Elements of Power and Perfect Dark Zero, two of Rare’s biggest and most high-profile titles to date, we currently have no upcoming games in the works that have yet been revealed to the public.”
OK, now I love PDZ and Kameo (kinda the reason I bought the Xbox 360, just for those games), but since those are out already and it seems you are wondering where to go next, how about this: Jet Force Gemini 2! YEAH! How about it? I know I speak for A LOT of people when I say that JFG 2 on the Xbox 360 would be sweet… really sweet. So come on Rare, right now would be the perfect time to make the perfect sequel to the best game ever made, Jet Force Gemini!!
I dream of the day I read “JFG 2? in the Upcoming Games section… please make that dream a reality!
Sean O’Connor
Can’t help you there, I’m afraid. We will indeed have something to fill that niggling Upcoming Games void in the near future, but just about the only categorical statement I can make at this stage is that it won’t be JFG2. In fact I’m not even sure I’m at liberty to say that much, but I just have, so tough.
It’s not that we’ve got some bizarre grudge against JFG, you understand. In fact it’s just the kind of quirky, reputation-building game that we’re glad to have in our back catalogue. But that doesn’t mean a sequel would necessarily sell, or broaden the Rare/Xbox fanbase in any way. It was a product of its time, and (at least in terms of team structure and what’s best for Rare right now) that time has passed. Who knows, maybe the crazy tank dog will fly again one day… but not today..
Dear super-ultimate-fantastic-champion,
Hi, I’d just like to introduce myself; my name is Darren Borg (feel free to make fun of my surname, any references to the movie The Fifth Element are more than welcome), I’m nineteen and live in Australia (feel free to call me a witchetty grub-eating buffoon while you’re at it).
I’ve been playing your games ever since Donkey Kong Country 2 and Donkey Kong Land on the Super Nintendo and Game Boy. You guys have created the most awesome games ever, and that goes for the music as well! So atmospheric… so adventurous… bravo. But the thing is I actually didn’t know you guys created all the games you did until I accidentally stumbled across your site looking for the Rock Solid MP3.
It’s a shame that I only just found out about your site until just last year – I’d love to read all the previous Scribes that never got uploaded when you moved to Microsoft. Couldn’t you upload all the previous Scribes in its original format? Just think of it as a nice tribute to the previous site designs you’ve had. Or maybe put up the old Uncle Tusk pages since I and many others never got to read ’em?
Also: I remember someone from the Grabbed by the Ghoulies Tepid Seat asked Wilhelm if he/she/it finished Banjo-Tooie (as in it would be quite hard to accomplish). Well, I’d just like to say that I’ve completely finished Banjo Pilot, Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty’s Revenge, Banjo-Kazooie (except the secret eggs and ice-key), Banjo-Tooie, the Donkey Kong Country series, Donkey Kong 64, GoldenEye 007 (haven’t got every single cheat, but most of them), Perfect Dark (again, haven’t got every cheat, but just pretend I didn’t mention that part), Conker’s Bad Fur Day and Conker: Live & Reloaded. And it wasn’t even that hard or time consuming (well, Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie and Donkey Kong 64 took a little while, but that’s a good thing! The more gameplay the better!).
I plan on being like all the other constant flow of mentalists who pour rubbish letters into your inbox. I can so tell you’re pulsating with enthusiasm just hearing those words so I’ll send another letter soon but I thought I’ll just throw this one crazily out to you so I can introduce myself. Bless you Mr. Loveday, Bless you.
Darren Borg
Ha ha, your surname’s Borg. Oh no, we’re going to be assimilated! Ha ha ha. Oh no, watch out! Ha ha.
Can’t complain about having some new blood around here. Sometimes I think we only have about a dozen people reading the website these days, and they’ve all been reading it since 1998 and the only reason they haven’t stopped is because they’re too scared of what might happen. Consider that a cue for all you other lurkers to send in inspiring and constructive letters on all manner of pertinent latter-day issues, even if it does mean I have to get off my arse and do Scribes again before November.
Speaking of which, I appreciate that not everyone got to see the older editions of Scribes/Tusk, but I just can’t go reformatting them all every time we change the site design (especially as there were 65 editions of Scribes alone at last count). We’d never get anything new done. And we wouldn’t fool anyone with the ‘tribute to past designs’ excuse, they’d just look rubbish. I say again: Wayback Machine.
Why haven’t you finished Sabre Wulf, It’s Mr. Pants and JFG? Rescuing the Tribals in JFG is all about ‘bonus gameplay’.
Dear Scribes,
With all this hullabaloo over classic Rare games on the Xbox LIVE Arcade, it got me thinking… what do I really want?
How about Jet Force Gemini! Online co-op could be incredible, even with only local co-op it would be a blast!
Perhaps even more importantly, what about a new Jet Force Gemini for the 360?
James Radcliffe
That would be nice. But if you’re expecting anything more dramatic than a “not right now, maybe in the future”, you’re going to be disappointed. Unless I make a real effort for once. Okay, here we go: Choose An Exciting Jet Force Adventure!
1) You are Juno and you are seized by an urge to blow up some stuff. Do you beam down to the planet Lovely (go to 2) or the planet Murderama (go to 3)?
2) The teleport malfunctions horribly and by the time you arrive on the lush, flowery surface of the planet Lovely, your eyes have swapped places with your kidneys and your gun is sticking out of your armpit. Bother! Never mind! Try again!
3) Yay! You blow up millions of stuff then head back to the ship to put the kettle on. Go to 1.
Why hello thar Mr. Scribes man. Or potentially Scribes Woman. I is not sure.
Anywho, long time Rare fan (ever since Snake Rattle ‘N Roll on the NES) writing in for the first time. Just felt like saying that Jet Force Gemini features one of my favorite soundtracks ever put in a game. Major probs to Robin Beanland for that one. What’s he up to currently?
Also, every single one of your games should allow you to turn all the enemies into Mr. Pants, while simultaneously allowing you to blow said Mr. Pants into a rainbow of colored blood.
Keep up the good work, doing whatever it is you people at Rare occasionally do.
Dylan
Major probs? You mean props? Or do you genuinely have major problems with Robin? That’s harsh. But it looks like he’s giving you the benefit of the doubt.
“I am frantically working on Banjo, writing tuneage to record with the orchestra in Prague sometime around the end of June. I’m still very proud of the Jet Force score and would love to hear it performed with a real orchestra one day… I reckon I can whistle for that though :(“
Maybe if we all whistle for it, we could release that on an exclusive acoustic CD. Throw in a couple of tracks performed on the spoons or a row of half-full milk bottles and you’re looking at a certifiable blockbuster. Let’s do it! Let’s stick it to the man!
Dear Chaps at Rare Who Gave Us Our Favorite Bird and Bear,
In honor of Banjo and Viva Piñata being developed and shipped into the arms and systems of us giddy consumers, I believe you fine chaps should consider advertising, like game companies did in the old days. I suggest the soda line, who wouldn’t want to drink a flavor like “Banjo Berry” or “Viva Piñata pina colada”? They will sell like hotcakes and those games will skyrocket to the top, and you’re the star, baby.
P.S. Why is it called “Scribes”?
With all the love in my heart,
Will
Are you trying to suggest that our games aren’t extensively advertised? I’ll have you know I saw a TV advert for Pocket Paradise a few weeks ago. An actual TV advert. It wasn’t cripplingly awful either. That’s not to discount the soft drink approach entirely, of course. Maybe something harder is the way forward when it comes to ensnaring the older demographic. I bet they would have killed for a shot of Gin Force Gemini with an It’s Mixer Pants back in the day.
PS That’s a funny place for a PS. It’s called Scribes because the site was meant to kick off with an ancient Egyptian visual theme back when it first went online, which wasn’t long after the use of papyrus died out, as it happens.
Dear Scribes,
Hello to you. I am a longtime fan and have constantly been impressed with your music, my favourite score of yours is easily Jet Force Gemini, which brings me to my questions, please answer them and I will jump for joy.
1. Any chance of a Jet Force sequel?
2. If question one is a no, any chance of hearing its epic score orchestrated and put out on your site? Or for that matter, a whole selection of tunes, from Banjo to Kameo recorded live, as nature intended them to be?
3. Can I have a free Xbox to play Banjo on please?
Al Wylie
Check it, homeboy, we’re answering your numbered questions in a non-numbered format. Jet Force sequel? You mean Jet Force Capricorn, which has been in development for three years? No, not really. Sorry. There are quite a few Rare staffers in my immediate vicinity who think JFG would cut a fine dash on Xbox 360, but we’re not the ones who make the decisions (or would ultimately have to code the game). And so, Albert, you must continue to wait. Also, you can’t have a free Xbox and it’s unlikely that Robin would suddenly be allocated a large budget for a live overseas recording of the soundtrack to a game released almost a decade ago on a format we no longer support. But thanks for the questions!
Dear Scribes,
Normally I start these out with something silly, but you don’t even comment on my “Scribes top of the letter” silliness anymore… I get all cheeky and snarky JUST for Scribes, too…
A) I LOVE Jet Force Gemini. If there were two things I have wondered about the story, why do the Jet Twins and rhino-footed dog actually decide to fly to the backwater planetoid Water Ruin and the defunct Spacestation? I just feel like there’s much more than what was presented than meets the eye. What’s with the bear? Did they know the Station was an Abandoned Wreck when they ventured there? Is Juno bald? Any in-game answers here?
R) There’s no denying that Halo 3 is a good game, and that Rare lent some help to the monkeys who made Marathon to help make Halo 3. I’m going to give it a try and guess that Rare had something to do with the Grunt Birthday Party Skull? YAAAAAY! Or was it something lame, like “gameplay” or “quality”?
S) One of the medals you can earn in Conker: Live and Reloaded is the Jade Star for destroying 500 enemy units. Is it really un-earnable via a glitch? If so, will you share the avatars from the Bonus Avatar pack it would’ve unlocked? Super. What made the Jade Star un-un-lockable?
E) Since the Banjo Team claimed to have all of the Star Wars vehicles covered, suddenly the Jawa Sand Crawler came to mind. How big is the biggest drivable machine that the Team has made? Any comparisons to a sizeable in-game thing would be helpful. I plan on making AT-AT style walkers myself.
S) Cheato vs. Ortho: Who wins?
If you need me, I’ll be sulking in the corner being ignored by Mr. Loveday while helpful folks from the team lavish their attention on me…
Zenek
Shush, boy. I’m answering your email, aren’t I? Isn’t that what I’m doing? Right now? Isn’t it?
1) Sidequests need have no logic. Long-standing videogame rule. Plus it was 10 years ago, the designer’s not here any more, and the rest of us have forgotten, if we ever knew.
2) The word from someone who’d know is that we “helped out with art and also software”. Apologies for the lack of funnies in that statement.
3) It’s for 500 vehicles, apparently. I don’t know if that helps. I did ask some programmers, but after some discussion concluded that they all have dementia and can’t remember if it works. I could draw you some bonus avatars just in case, but it wouldn’t really be helping anyone.
4) Let’s give Shaun a break and get Shelley from the Banjo design squad to answer this. Come on, the Scribes folks won’t bite. Well, they might. But it’s just instinct, they don’t mean it. Go! “The biggest vehicle it’s possible to make is 19 blocks square. Banjo stands about two blocks tall, so as you can imagine it is possible to create HUGE vehicles. More than enough for a sandcrawler.”
5) When you come at it from certain angles that’s a reasonable question, but trying to answer it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Shelley? “Errr, they both flap at each other a lot and then decide to be friends. Magic book fights are a bit pap really.”
Dear godlike masters of games,
I downloaded L.O.G.’s Lost Challenges earlier today, and I just finished Klungo’s new arcade game. That is to me the final proof that there is no game developer like Rare. The simplicity and excellent level design, the epic boss battles and the music that is beyond anything I’ve ever heard in a game. That game shows that it doesn’t have to be flashy to be great. I really hope that you continue with the Klungosssoft games. It’s definitely one of the greatest games ever, and I hope you make a complete 360 game of this. Just don’t make the same mistakes that so many game developers have done before and “improve” everything by including frustrating new gameplay modes. But that would never happen at Rare, right?
Talking about frustrating new gameplay modes, Nuts and Bolts is a great game, but I really want a “real” sequel to Banjo-Tooie, is that ever going to happen or is that impossible? I know that you’ll neither say yes nor no to this question, I just wanted to point out that people out there still like old-school platforming.
Two final questions:
First – What are the chances of a Blast Corps sequel? That game had enormous potential, and a replay value off the charts, but not even close to Klungo’s, and that game could really work well with the youth of today who just want to blow stuff up.
Second – Jet Force Gemini was a great game, is there any work going on on a sequel there or is that game as dead as my old hermit crab?
With adoration,
Victor Johansson
Platformer preference duly noted. Again. I hope you’re not being sarcastic about Klungo’s Arcade, as he’s trying his best and it’s not nice to pick on people when they’re trying their best, even if they’re thick and green and insurmountably delusional.
In an ideal world I would be playing Blast Corps and Jet Force sequels right now, but reality is a harsh mistress. We’ve got other things on the boil. Maybe XBLA would be a good place to reintroduce the whimsical savagery of the originals first, what do you perky young noobs/jaded old hands reckon?
Sorry to hear about your crab. I’ve got a giant millipede at home but apparently those buggers live for years.
To my superiors,
Hi. I have a question for ya. Why not make some Rare food? I got some great ideas:
Banjo Burst fruit juice
Conker Cola
Jet Force Gummis (I’m sick of those damn gummi bears/worms. I want some Jet Force Gummis, dammit!)
I’ll even sign something that says that I won’t sue you for using those names! So long as I get a lifetime supply of GoldenEye Soup. That would be a good name too. “Find the Golden Eye in your soup and win BIG prizes!”
Also, maybe I’m just being an ignorant American, but why does Gregg’s name have 3 “G’s” in it? I’m used to seeing just Greg. Anyway, bye for now and I hope you answer these questions.
The Termite from Banjo-Kazooie
King Jeff sweets. Mmmm. Floyd Pastilles. I’m not sure about the wisdom of releasing brown food and drink products associated with Conker though. And permission to release GoldenEye Soup would have to be secured from Nintendo, Activision, MGM, Eon, Danjaq, Waterstone’s, Cadbury’s, General Motors, West Midland Safari Park and Leona Lewis.
Gregg’s name has an extra ‘g’ just because it can. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was also tied to Stop ‘N’ Swop in some way.
Hello,
A friend and I were having a conversation about games that had good music and so I referred him to some Blast Corps music.
I then realized that I missed the game and thought to myself, “I’d definitely download it if they had it on the Wii Shop Channel”, is there any possibility of that happening? Or is it owned by Rare/Microsoft?
Troy
Good old Blast Corps, one of the few games with tunes I can always remember. Fine work by Mr. Norgate. However, as you suspected, it’s owned by Rare (and thereby Microsoft) so the chances of seeing it in the Wii Shop any time soon are pretty remote. XBLA is a better bet, although looking at this official list of upcoming XBLA projects I see Captain Skyhawk 2010 and Killer Instinct Zinc are still ahead of it in the queue NO REALLY.
May I humbly suggest browsing our on-site MP3 collection for some quality tunes to keep you and your demanding friend occupied? If you’re after stuff from the same era it includes pretty much the full JFG soundtrack, which I’m surprised you didn’t mention in the first place considering it’s full of win.
Yo, Scribes!
Now, for this letter, I’m going to do some stuff to make SURE I get put in the next edition of Scribes.
First, the wall of orange text: Banjo-Kazooie. Killer Instinct. Battletoads.
Perfect Dark. Donkey Kong 64. Donkey Kong Country. Diddy Kong Racing.
Mickey’s Speedway USA. GoldenEye. Jet Force Gemini. Star Fox Adventures.
Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Viva Piñata.
Second, a few questions, in the classic listed-by-numbers format you apparently love so much:
1) Is it true that you’re working on four projects at the same time? If so, then DAAAAANG. But then, you guys used to juggle ten at a time during the NES days, so this is probably like a cakewalk for you.
2) Are all four games sequels, new IP, or some strange combination of the two?
3) Since the whole owned-by-Microsoft thing hasn’t stopped you from developing GBA and DS games, would it be possible for you to make games for the PSP? That system has been on a decline lately, and just a single game from you people may be able to change its fortunes.
4) If you were to bring back another classic game series from your past, which would it be and what changes would you make to the formula?
5) Have you seen the Angry Video Game Nerd? He has reviewed several of your worst (no offense) games on the NES, as well as Battletoads. You should check him out he’s hilarious.
And now, for the kicker. Putting this single word in my letter will guarantee your responding: ARSE.
The [impersonator of the] Lord of Games
1 & 2) This again, eh? You’ll just have to wait and see. Perhaps worth pointing out that NES games were a wee bit less taxing on the old manpower than Xbox 360 games.
3) Microsoft had arrangements in place for DS versions of MS-owned properties, but I don’t think there’s anything like that on PSP. Besides, we don’t have any history with Sony so there wouldn’t be any avenues to reopen. They’ll just have to continue supporting the platform without the help of It’s Mr. PSPants.
4) You know what this calls for? A spontaneous straw poll. Exciting new Scribes tradition! Maybe.
Designer Justin: “It would be Gunfright for me. We could make a really good game in a western setting, expand the town into a sandbox world and have some really mean outlaws passing through causing chaos. I might get rid of the ‘horse costume’ that let you move faster though, I’m not sure that would translate very well into a modern game :)”
Programmer Nic: “Super RC Pro-Am would be my pick to bring back with a few million dollars’ worth of funding and an all-star dev team. Just thinking of how the monochrome graphics of the Game Boy could be displayed in all that modern high-def loveliness makes me giddy inside. Or something.”
Musician Steve: “Knight Lore – I’d add a few more colours and write a little ditty for it, but apart from that, it was great! Also, I played it at my friend’s house when I was about 12, and he let me borrow his computer when I was off school for a week. Didn’t finish it though. Happy days.”
Designer Chris: “MY past? Mr. Pants 2001, but if I did that everyone would fill up the forums complaining that it should be 0 MSP because the PC version was free. Failing that, Jet Force Gemini most certainly deserves another outing with Juno, Vela and Lupus in play simultaneously, and AI players filling in as needed.”
5) I am familiar with his work in passing, but linking directly to the potty-mouthed scoundrel would not be the family-friendly thing to do. Appreciated the long overdue Battletoads pause tune shout out though.
Dear little Scriblets,
1. I am not a detective by trade, but I’ve tried hard for many years to uncover the purpose of collecting Tribal heads in JFG (which would look quite flattering in hi-def, I reckon). Some say that they work the same as Drone heads in unlocking the basic cheats. Others say there never was a point to them other than making you feel awkward and depressed, while other theories state that collecting enough of them would bring you eternal life. Without any true answer, I look to you for guidance.
Oh, and one other thing…
2. Turning into a pumpkin to fit into a toilet: whose idea was that?
RedPlasma076
1) It’s been a while… as far as I can remember the Tribal heads were originally meant to unlock something, but in the end they didn’t. The whole cheat addition malarkey came in pretty late and by the time Ants into Pants was unveiled, frankly anything else would have been an anticlimax. So any reward obtained for beheading helpless furry Tribals with their big soulful eyes is ultimately included within the act itself. You horrible deviants.
2) Isn’t that the first thing anyone thinks of when a pumpkin enters the equation?
Hi Scribes,
I will try and make this quick. You can’t quit Nintendo DS. The 360 has produced some good games but the hardware issues suck. I heard people chatting about your handheld team closing down. I have some interesting evidence from just last month that fires against this.
Just after Banjo-Tooie launched on XBLA, my mum asked someone showing off the Wii a question. He is a guy from Nintendo. The question was when we’re going to see Donkey Kong 64 for Virtual Console. He claims it is being made for DS. Is this true? Obviously it would be a nice surprise to see it for DS. Adding Wi-Fi to the multiplayer is pure genius. But it also raises an interesting question. Does this mean you haven’t quit DS as people are claiming?
You can’t just abandon the console. If DK64 is coming our way, as a fan I have to say I love you guys! But what else are you planning? So far we only have two and that is not enough. They’re both great games but I have three requests of my own.
1. Banjo-Tooie, reason: My 360 is set to die very soon. I just got the game back and already it’s choosing to break. Please make this on the DS.
2. Kameo, reason: Interesting that Shane Kim from Microsoft talks about Kameo or Piñata on DS only for Piñata to happen a few months later. Is the other one doable? Give it a try. You know this makes sense.
3. Jet Force “frickin” Gemini, reason: OK come on, this ain’t fair. Where’s the love for some Jet Force on DS? Come on Rare, I love this game and never got a chance to finish it. I haven’t heard anything about a rerelease except someone did claim it was part of your GoldenEye XBLA deal. Apparently it was set for a rerelease on VC. The reason I say DS for this is so I can play it on the go.
Thank you for reading. I was kicked in the nuts to hear JFG was scheduled for a rerelease only to NEVER happen. It’s the gamers that suffer here. Please rerelease this game. You must. I will no longer cry if you make these games reality. If DK64 is being made for the DS I say quit stalling and give it us. It will be rereleased one day anyway but I never expected DS as a possiblity. I want at least two more DS games before you quit the handheld so please think about it? Quitting the handheld would be gobsmacking! Please stay!
Colin Tosh
If DK64 is being made for DS, this is the first we’ve heard about it. Are you sure that the man showing off the Wii wasn’t just a tramp who’d mugged a Nintendo rep and stolen his clothes and badge? Similarly, there was never any solid word on JFG being lined up for XBLA release. “Part of our GoldenEye XBLA deal”? Where’s this stuff coming from? JFG on XBLA could happen one day, but at the moment there’s no call for you to go around feeling betrayed because someone said it would and then it didn’t. Because that never happened. And while Shane Kim did mention Kameo and Piñata at one point, an example isn’t a guarantee.
I don’t think it’s fair to assume that we’ve permanently quit DS development, but yes, we are focusing on other things at the moment. Natal is a pretty big deal and needs a lot of attention. Speaking of which…
Q: Yo!
You great game making dudes you. Any chance of some Jet Force Gemini news? Is that a JFG image of some kind I see in your games section (currently greyed out)?
Fingers etc. crossed,
Steve
A: No JFG news at the moment. Even ‘background chatter’ would be over-generous. But we can always dig out some authentic JFG discussion from the space year 2000 in our handy Blast from the Past feature! Which honestly requires a lot of work on our part! It does!
Q: 1.first of all i would like to mention that goldeneye 007 is my favorite game, even to this date. And i will slap any fps gamer if they do not know what it is.
- I was wondering if you guys at Rare have any mint or boxed copies of the n64 game goldeneye 007, because i would love to some day buy it from you guys. NO dont say go to ebay their goldeneye 007 boxes and games are usually very warn out.
Daniel L.
A: Wax on, wax off.
1) In the interests of fairness, make sure it’s genuine ignorance and not just trouble working out what you’re saying.
2) I’m afraid we don’t have any and I doubt we’d legally be able to sell you a copy anyway. We’re not a retailer, which is just as well because I’d ruin our finances with Star Fox Adventures shopkeeper T-shirts and deluxe Jeff & Barry fountain pens. Why don’t you try going to… oh.
Q: I believe there is a travesty taking place. It would seem that every posh new fighting game has numerous colourful ultra combos used to make them stand out from the crowd. But lest we forget, it was you blokes who truly created the “ULTRAAAH!” combos… and therefore must be rewarded for it with millions of XBLA download “profits”.
So with that in mind, would it be at all possible to text the chaps over at 4J Studios for a bit of the old… “remake remake” for KI?
Matt Saroni
A: Not that simple, June Sarpong. Nowadays everything needs to be weighed up, pitched, justified, budgeted, forecast and so on. It’s understandable – the games market has grown to become so crowded and competitive, the right opportunity is more precious than ever – but it does mean we’re not in a position to accommodate every KI3 (or JFG2, or Other Bad Fur Day, or Banjo platformer) request that comes in. Not that we ever were, but now WITH BELLS ON. It won’t stop the requests, and far be it from us to frown upon your enthusiasm for games we created, but a lot of people seem to think we’re refusing to play ball out of simple stubbornness.