Top 5 Scathing Rare Insults (Attacking Other Games)

If you can manage to brave the pitfalls and perils of Rare‘s Killer Instinct as Eyedol, you’ll be treated to a heart rendering cutscene wherein the interdimensional Warlord now known as “Billy” is reunited with his mother. If this premise seems familiar, it’s due to the fact that Killer Instinct is taking the mickey out of Street Fighter II, specifically a schmaltzy scene where victor Blanka meets his biological mother who calls him Jimmy. Replicating the scene to a tee, Eyedols ending plays out much the same way, with his own mother separated during a car crash, and the birthday bracelets being the evidence that brings them together. The coincidental comparisons end there however, as Eyedol then finishes off his tear-jerking reunion by violently bludgeoning her head with his club in one swift strike, killing her instantly.
 
#3. LOG’S LOST INTENTIONS, R.I.P. F.P.S. – BANJO-KAZOOIE: NUTS & BOLTS (XBOX 360)

Overseeing all of Showdown Town from his lofty Video Game Factory, the Lord of Games or L.O.G is quick to make conversation if you can ascend the heights with your ill-equipped trolley. While L.O.G. often remissnesses over fine tuning nuances of his next projects, like taking Viva Piñata down a survival horror route – he’s also held to a bit of fault for past excursions that have left a stale taste in the mouths of gamers everywhere. Apart from creating Grabbed by the Ghoulies, the First Person Shooter genre is one which was wholly developed by L.O.G., which he admits as something he shouldn’t have bothered with due to its oversaturation in the market. To drive the point home, and to further dig in to titles like Halo, Doom and Dead Space, he states that “There’s probably even a space marine in this game.”

 
#2. BOND’S BONDAGE BERATES BANDICOOT – GOLDENEYE 007 (NINTENDO 64)

If the events of GoldenEye 007 haven’t left you shaken in place of stirred, you’ll find a handful of new special assignments waiting for you – namely a trip to an Egyptian Temple and an excursion into an Aztec Complex. Choosing the latter will task Bond with an additional objective to launch a space shuttle from within the Complex, though the real astronomical burn can be found on the walls of the ancient interior. Found decorated on the base of several pillars is Crash Bandicoot of PlayStation fame, shackled to an elaborate torture device and screaming in pain. While the platforming genre would be perfected with the upcoming Banjo-Kazooie series, it would seem that Bandicoot had been cursed by the Aztecs from the beginning. Perfect Dark Zero shows they rather favored the bear and bird duo.

 
#1. ONE-UPPING THE PORTLY PLUMBER – BANJO-KAZOOIE: NUTS & BOLTS (XBOX 360)

While previously honored in Cranky’s Video Game Heroes alongside other prolific gaming figures, Mario‘s relationship with Banjo has been rocky at best – with the Honey Bear trouncing the Plumber with superior graphics and gameplay in his first adventure. Still, as Nuts & Bolts was quick to point out, Mario remained in the spotlight while Banjo and Kazooie drifted towards the fridge light, and perhaps this sparked the act of petty vengeance seen in the official trailer. Flying about Nutty Acres near the end of the video reveals a disturbing revelation; a pixelated Mario has been constructed above the swamp, much to the chagrin of the Bear and Bird duo. Taking careful aim, Banjo fires a heatseaking missile directly into Mario‘s face, severing his head from his body. Banjo has since undergone years of therapy. /b

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