Top 5 Appalling Rare Schools (That We Would Rather Attend)
As the month of September rears its ugly school-bound head, its likely that we have more than a few readers wishing for an extended vacation well into January.
For a bit of solace however, we’ve turned our faithful gaze towards Rare‘s library of rather excellent titles in the hopes of finding lesser schools that we can turn our noses at – and to that end, we’ve been most successful.
Enrolling in the most dilapidated academies that will allow such staggering GPAs, we’ve returned with our choice picks on the worst higher education can possibly offer – they might even be worse than your school, can you imagine?
These are the Top 5 Appauling Rare Schools (That We Would Rather Attend).
#5. KONG KOLLEGE – DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 2: DIDDY’S KONG QUEST (SNES)
Sympathizing with King K. Rool‘s legion of slack jawed minions, Wrinkly Kong has taken it upon herself to teach the Kremlings some basic knowledge at her Kong Kollege; a lone schoolhouse situated in an active volcano and haunted forest among others. Aside from fraternizing with the enemy, Wrinkly allows Dixie and Diddy to stop by and save their progress after class – so long as they’ve collected enough Banana Coins as required, that is. Based on what’s gathered in Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s Double Trouble, it seems that Wrinkly abandoned her teaching post after the Kremlings became too rowdy. Did the Kremlings have to pay tuition as well, or was that honor reserved for those not even attending the class?
#4. SNOW TOP SCHOOLHOUSE – KAMEO: ELEMENTS OF POWER (XBOX 360)
If you’ve ever heard the wizened banter of having to walk through snow uphill both ways just to get to class, it’s likely that you were party to a Snow Top Tribe Student detailing their route to school. Lead by the incorrigible Ms. Frost, the Snow Top Schoolroom can be found at the perilous peak of the Village, where a treacherous trek awaits anyone seeking higher education. Inside, Tribe Students learn about the Elements of Power, Elemental Warriors and Einsteins Theory of Relativity, if the unsure teachings on the blackboard is to be believed. Hardly familiar with the concept of a snow day, Ms. Frost oversees her five pupils undeterred, even going as far to send notes to the parents arguing the point of having a balanced curriculum over concerns of having lethal conditions meeting with gravity. Good luck with that, Teach.
#3. PRESTIGIOUS MEGA HERO ACADEMY – MONSTER MAX (GAME BOY)
After all music is made contraband on Monster Planet by the insipid King Krond, aspiring musician Monster Max is determined to dethrone the King and return his Planet to its former rockin’ glory. Without any formal training to take on this mammoth task however, Max will have to prepare himself mentally and physically at the monolithic Mega Hero Academy; a sprawling labyrinth of increasingly difficult challenges set to get his brain motivated. Making headway through the Forest of Fo, Halls of Liwl and the Actacgli Sewers, our determined trainee will conquer elaborate platform puzzles with surreal solutions, all in the name of academia. If you’ve ever gotten lost on the way to class, imagine having to strategically place rubber ducks and hitch rides on eyeball patrons to find your way instead. It’s absolute madness!
#2. ELM STREET HIGH – A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (NES)
It can be a little difficult to concentrate on your lessons while battling a blight of insomnia – even worse if any of your friends that do fall asleep in class end up never rousing again. Such are the fast times as Elm Street High, which has gained notoriety after serial stalker and generally undead menace Freddy Kruger has returned to Elm Street with a vengeance. With the unmanned furnace in the basement the only means to perish Freddy‘s restless spirit for good, the teenage residents of Elm Street will have to venture inside their High School after hours where spanning chasms, trailing staircases and open pits prove that building inspection was clearly an afterthought. If you can manage to brave these hazards however, you’ll do battle with four incarnations of Freddy in the basement – haunted schools usually have that sort of thing.
#1. GHOULHAVEN HALL’S SCHOOLROOM – GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES (XBOX)
What’s the most trouble you’ve gotten in for showing up late to class? Perhaps a detention, or a written note to your neglectful parents? For Cooper Chance of Ghoulies fame, the answer is death. It’s always death. Waltzing into the Schoolroom after hours inside Ghoulhaven Hall will summon the dreaded Grim Reaper in a span of 60 seconds, or quicker if anything is broken by the klutzy protagonist. If Cooper hopes to make it through class unscathed, he’ll have to reach the opposite end of the classroom, a task made monumentally difficult as the corridors are patrolled by eagle eyed Medusas and each desk he passes houses a hidden Imp inside. With only the Stop ‘N’ Swop Solution board offering a bit of solace as Cooper narrowly escapes Death, there’s hardly a reason to show up to class in Ghoulhaven Hall at all.
Categories: Top 5 Lists
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