Top 5 Awesome Rare Tanks
Following Rare‘s summation of Twitter updates in their Social Ordnance, and lacking any sort of creativity on our end, we’re set to cover a rather militaristic topic as our September battalion comes to a halt.
Not satisfied with honoring the grizzled war heroes of Rare yesteryear, we’ve combed through the ranks searching for tanks. Specifically, tanks that reward a player for their abstained gaming prowess by allowing them a bit of a joyride in a highly dangerous military vehicle to break the flow of gameplay.
Whether you’re using your treads to flatten innocent bystanders to fleshy pulps, or wreaking absolute havoc on everything Blast Corps. style, there’s a sort of sadistic gratification to be had as you pave the battlefield and turn the tide in your favor. Fall in soldier, these are the Top 5 Awesome Rare Tanks.
#5. STOP ‘N’ SWOP BANKS TANKS – BANJO-KAZOOIE: NUTS & BOLTS (XBOX 360)
While you might expect that only the thick would miss out on crafting their very own tank in Mumbo’s Motors, the game does well to nudge players in the right direction with Humba offering up three variations of her custom tank design in Showdown Town. If you’re craving for some classified militant contraband however, look no further than the aptly named ‘Tank’ vehicle rewarded for the completion of Stop ‘N’ Swop. Only the most hardened of Banjo fans will be able to drive this monster, as you’ll need both original Banjo-Kazooie titles on Xbox Live Arcade, as well as dynamo DLC LOG’s Lost Challenges to unlock several hidden vehicles designed by the Banjo community. Manage that and you’re free to cruise the land in style, blasting anything and everything that stands in your way. Watch out, Wartbags!
#4. CLASS TWENTY-TWO KNOCKS THE STUFFING OUT OF TEDIZ – CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY (N64)
For much of the It’s War chapter of Conker’s Bad Fur Day, the eponymous red squirrel is left nearly defenseless in an island crawling with Tediz. If you can manage to keep your wits and your sanity as you take in the horrors of the battlefield alongside Private Rodent however, you’ll stumble upon a vacant Class Twenty-Two armored tank – which as one might expect, proves quite useful in the dire situation. If it wasn’t enough to arm the squirrel to the teeth and send him reshaping the battlefield, the treaded wonder also plays a role in the addictive Tank multiplayer mode that will send shrapnel and swear words flying with each explosion. Whether you’re taking on the Tediz army, or going head to head against a few armored friends, the Class Twenty-Two is indispensable when it comes to indulging in some gritty carnage.
#3. TANKS FOR THE TRANSFORMATION – BANJO-KAZOOIE: GRUNTY’S REVENGE (GBA)
Finding itself wedged uncomfortable between Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie, interquel Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty’s Revenge sought to create some of the best transformations in the series; a heady task given that Tooie‘s T-Rex form seemed to top the rest without even trying. Manage to greet groovy Mumbo of the ’70’s in Freezing Furnace however, and you’ll find the Tank transformation rising the bar past its prehistoric counterpart. Braving the frigid fjord from this point was a game changer; enemies recoiled in a single shot of your powerful Tank Shot ability, arduous acidic areas could be traversed without issue and the sturdy frame refused to be blown about like the bear and bird duo. This tank meant business, and we would have loved to dispatch Gruntilda with a single Tank Shot for the space-time continuum.
#2. JAMES BONDS’ INFAMOUS ST. PETERSBURG JOYRIDE – GOLDENEYE 007 (N64)
Pursuing Natalya and her captors through the streets of St. Petersburg on foot is hardly becoming of a daring agent like 007, and so after much thought and consideration – see none- Bond boards a borrowed Russian Tank for a bit of a joyride. The new perspective of near invulnerability allows for a bit of cheeky frivolousness; any collisions you have along the way will turn the opposing vehicles into burning husks, and any slow soldier unfortunate enough to get caught underneath your lumbering treads will trail off in a final horrified scream. If this unstoppable wave of destruction wasn’t enough, you’re also well-equipped to deal with the opposition using your arsenal of explosive tank shells! Save this one for a play with Infinite Ammo and you’ll be set for an afternoon of mindless destruction and carnage. The best kind, obviously!
#1. HIS BARK IS WORSE THAN HIS CLASS K-9 ARTILLERY SHELLS – JET FORCE GEMINI (N64)
While there’s hardly any incentive to go hopping about the galaxy and collecting every last Tribal, it’s worth defeating the evil tyrant Mizar the first time just to have King Jeff bestow his uniform upgrades to the Jet Force Gemini team. Enabling the Star Twins Vela and Juno to fly about with fancy jetpacks is all well and good, but he’s clearly saved the best for their wardog, Lupus. Settling the mutt into his new digs, King Jeff constructs the an armored body of a tank around him and suits him up with a pair of treads on the side, essentially transforming Lupus into a canine/tank hybrid. With the mounted cannon on his back serving as a turret, Mizars drones had better watch out for the barking tank dog capable of flight; we’ve clearly reached some sort of pinnacle in engineering the unfathomably awesome.
Categories: Top 5 Lists
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