Top 5 Doomed Rare Cruises

With summer weather fast approaching and the idyllic paradises on faraway shores calling out to us, it’s likely that many of us will turn to taking a cruise to a tropical getaway. Discounting the outbreak of seasickness you’ll inevitably catch, cruises will offer a bit of rest and relaxation to your overworked mind as you sample choice seaworthy delicacies while you’re catered to by its shipshape staff. It’s best to count yourself lucky then, if you’ve managed to find a cruise that hasn’t proven itself haunted, or sinkable, or self-aware with a touch of misanthropy, which seems to be the case in many Rare titles. Once again blurring the line between virtual and reality, we invite you aboard our latest list to examine these doomed liners that will have you desperately needing a vacation if you can survive their disastrous decks! These are the Top 5 Doomed Rare Cruises!
 
#5. FRIGATE LA FAYETTE – GOLDENEYE 007 (N64)


After a brief stint in Severnaya left Bond without a partner, the suave and sofisticated agent must earn his sealegs after a desperate hostage situation aboard a French vessel calls him in from the cold. Frigate La Fatette might be a welcome change in contrast to the underground bunkers and claustrophobic caverns, but venturing inside the cramped quarters will still reveal a plethora of haughty henchmen ready to give 007 a burial at sea. Wave after wave of seamen will be shooting for Bond, and if he can manage to escape the sticky situation, he’s still tasked with liberating all of the hostages as well. Botch up too many rescues however, and you’ll be forced to start the mission over, beating off the torrent of seamen once more. The horror!

 
#4. K.ROOLS PIRATE SHIP – DONKEY KONG 64 (N64)


Gloomy Galleon of Donkey Kong 64 fame is plenty unsettling enough with its sunken ships that have found their way to the depths of this dreary level, but if you want to up the ante you need only activate ye olde Lighthouse to have the ghost ship skim the waters once more, Ya har! Kaptain K. Rools pirate ship will pull into harbor if you can manage the above condition, and as it steers eerily unmanned you’ll have the chance to venture into its hull as Chunky Kong. Friendly ghosts aren’t to be found inside though, which is made quite clear when the cannons found on either side of the deck fire towards the center, leaving your path obscured by an onslaught of cannon balls. Rescue your Golden Banana from the nautical nonsense and you’ll find Chunky has come down with a blight of seasickness. So much for pleasure cruise!

 
#3. SPINAL’S SHIP – KILLER INSTINCT GOLD (N64)


Pulling a page from the undeservedly ignored Killer Instinct Gold now, a particularly doomed cruise comes from Spinal’s Ship – an ancient rowboat that’s kept afloat by an unsightly crew of Spinal‘s skeletal minions. If you’re not staffing the crew with a bit of a row, you’re expected to have a row with one of Ultratech‘s fighters on the deck of the ship, which has made itself into one of the tournaments many stages. Only one victor can make it back to dry land, so this doomed ship is taken quite literally as each visit brings with it a fight to the death. Our advice would be to sort out your differences and pick up an oar each to help out with the endless chore that the skeleton slaves have found themselves party to. Hopefully you’ve paired up with a rival like Sabrewulf or T.J Combo; that upperbody strength will come in handy here…

 
#2. PELAGIC I RESEARCH VESSEL – PERFECT DARK GBC (GAME BOY COLOR)


As a budding agent-in-training, Joanna Dark is tasked with investigating a mysterious Cyborg manufacturing plant in South America. It isn’t too long before the rookie finds herself overwhelmed by dataDyne thugs as she arrives at a restricted alien crash site, and is inadvertently stowed away with the rest of the crash site contraband aboard the Pelagic I Research Vessel. Unfortunately for Ms. Dark she’s been stripped of all her weapons and gadgets, which means she’ll have to take the ship back by force whilst rescuing its captive hostages like Ol’ Jimmy Bond did aboard the Frigate. If it couldn’t get any worse, things go rather pear-shaped when the Pelagic I enters its self-destruct sequence, leaving our heroine mere seconds to escape the ensuing shipwreck. Is the sea air calming your nerves, Joanna?

 
#1. THE RUSTY BUCKET – BANJO-KAZOOIE (N64)


For Joanna and James a pleasure cruise is turned sour when the salty crew discovers them aboard their respective ships, but what if you had to deal with a cutthroat crew and the sentient ship turning on you? Welcome aboard the Rusty Bucket – a dingy old derelict found in Banjo-Kazooie that the bear and bird duo will be forced to explore top to bottom. Spend some time on the deck and you’ll discover a league of lethal life preservers, and vexing vents that will spring to life and eject you from the ship as you tumble off of the edge into oily bilge water. Venture below deck for a bit of solitude in the Engine Room and you’ll find a cacophony of cogs and rigmarole of rotating gears a bit too much for your platforming sensibilities, seeing you down into an endless free fall below. Enjoy the cruise, Banjo – even the life rafts want you dead!

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