Top 5 Appallingly Pointless Rare Collectibles
If you’re familiar with the likes of Rare‘s classic platforming titles like Donkey Kong Country, Jet Force Gemini and Banjo-Kazooie, you’re likely no stranger to the sheer magnitude of irksome little collectibles you’ll be expected to pick up and bring along for the long haul like a pack mule with a hoarding complex. While each Balloon, Banana Bird, Bonus Book, Bear Coin and Banjo Statuette does naturally bring you closer to the conclusion of the collect-a-thon title, there’s still a lot of absolute crap that’s been frittered away as well; hogging up your inventory space and generally serving no purpose whatsoever other to exist and drive us mad with their utter uselessness. Today we’ll be focusing on the latter of course, with the worst offenders of the bunch that are better left abandoned lest you waste any modicum of time, effort and energy scooping them off the floor. Be sure to collect yourself for this one, and leave those whinging Jinjo‘s by the wayside will you – they’ve been abandoned by their parents for a reason… These are the Top 5 Appallingly Pointless Rare Collectibles.
#5. TRIBAL TRACKING TEDIUM – JET FORCE GEMINI (N64)
Say what you will about the Jinjo‘s of Banjo-Kazooie – we just did, they’re not known for coming ’round and busting kneecaps – but at least they came through in a pinch to take out Gruntilda. The same can’t be said about the useless Tribals of Jet Force Gemini, who like the Jinjos, need to be located and liberated to progress through the game, but unlike the shrieking squatters can fall under enemy fire and even perish. Oh well, just nab the next few and lie about the happenstance of their mother, right? Unfortunately you’ll need to collect all 281 of the Tribals if you want to see the end of the game, which is their only purpose. If you botch up a rescue you’ll have to restart the level regardless of your personal progress for another attempt. Happy hunting!
#4. THE REMAINING 25 BANANA MEDALS – DONKEY KONG 64 (N64)
If you can manage to have each respective Kong collect their colored bananas in Donkey Kong 64, you’ll find your efforts rewarded with a shiny Banana Medal once you surpass 75 of the total 100 in any level. Collect at least 15 of the Banana Medals and Cranky Kong will allow you to play a rousing game of Jetpac in his laboratory as many times as you’d like! Collect any more of them and you’re…well, wasting your time frankly. There are a total of 40 Banana Medals to collect during the course of the Kong quest, but your only incentive for watching the spinning medal show up on your screen is future play of Crankys game, and once you’ve satisfied the ancient apes entrance fee there’s nothing to keep you going other than to hear their rockin’ tune.
#3. STOP ‘N’ SWOP II MEDAL EGGS – BANJO-TOOIE (XBLA)
You could be forgiven for thinking that the original Stop ‘N’ Swop items of Banjo-Kazooie would find their way onto this list, as collecting all seven Mystery Eggs and Ice Key rears only a rotten surprise set to melt your spirits. Their intended purpose was somewhat remedied in follow-up Banjo-Tooie, with further efforts found in Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts and their XBLA counterparts. Stop ‘N’ Swop II on the other hand was another mystery introduced in Banjo-Tooie XBLA involving a further three Mystery Eggs colored bronze, silver and gold and a plethora of pseudo-achievements for doing specific things in-game. Since its introduction in 2009, the purpose behind Stop ‘N’ Swop II has remained just as open ended to this day, with 3 more Mystery Eggs that are starting to sour in the meantime…
#2. GENERAL OURUMOV’S BRIEFCASE – GOLDENEYE 007 (N64)
If you’ve managed to get Bond through his objectives in timely fashion during the events of GoldenEye 007 you’ll find your efforts rewarded with a few interesting cheats that can be accessed in both multiplayer and campaign. Turning on Bond Invisibility and enabling the use of the coveted Golden Gun and Golden PP7 will reveal interesting developments if you venture into the Silo and take off for a brief and unseen confrontation with General Ourumov. If you can manage to get the better of the General, he’ll drop his briefcase and a small key which can be acquired and added to your inventory. If you’ve been paying attention to the topic at hand, you might have guessed that collecting said key and case is entirely pointless, as they serve no purpose in progressing through the game or solving any objectives. Nice!
#1. L.O.G. TOKEN COLLECT-A-THON – BANJO-KAZOOIE: NUTS AND BOLTS (XBOX 360)
Determined to set itself apart from previous entries of the Banjo-Kazooie series with a touch of vehicular homicide, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts wasn’t about to focus overtly on collecting an array of entirely pointless collectibles without reason, so it decided to start the first few minutes of the game… focusing overtly on collecting an array of entirely pointless collectibles without reason. After the Lord of Games observes the feuding in Spiral Mountain, the omniscient overlord sees fit with setting up Banjo and Gruntilda with a race to see who can collect the most tokens bearing his face, with a seemingly endless row that continues past the horizon. Before things can get too embarrassing, L.O.G whisks them away from the pointless challenge deeming it unfit for todays gamers. Appallingly pointless indeed!
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