Team Fortress 2: Love & War

by Piyoz on Jun 26th, 2014

Valve is a strange corporation. They don’t have bosses, supervisors, or any sort of intra-office managerial pyramid. They hire Russian economists just because they can. They take their employees and their families on week-long vacations every year. They make their own operating systems and game consoles simply because the funds are there.

On top of all that, Valve gives its loyal gamers bread. Not physical bread for eating. More like digital bread for killing people. Don’t worry. It doesn’t make much sense in context, either.

As of June 18th of 2014, a major update was sent out for one of gaming’s most popular online class-based FPS titles: Team Fortress 2. One component of this update was a fifteen-minute video called “Expiration Date”. You should watch it. It’s great. Valve’s sense of humor at its best.

This is the first real, non-short video that gives us a look into the world of Team Fortress. It’s kinda funny seeing the mercenaries relaxing after a long day of senseless violence and watching how they interact off the battlefield. It’s the first time we hear the Administrator mentioned out loud (outside of the comics). It’s also the non-comic debut of Miss Pauling, the Administrator’s assistant and the target of the Scout’s affection.

Much of the video focuses on the Spy training the Scout in the ways of love. It’s an amusing distraction from the Engineer and Medic finding the truth behind the teleporting bread. Turns out it’s not people tumors. It’s bread tumors! Deadly ones!

Valve has this tendency of sneaking background items from their videos into the actual Team Fortress 2 game. See some of the wacky stuff that the mercs are wearing? You can wear that in game now!

In game, some Mann Co. Stockpile crates have begun dropping. They contain one of the forty-three new cosmetic items, including a Demoman sombrero, an all-class eye patch, a mohawk for the Heavy and Engineer, a pilot’s suit for the Spy, a fry cooker for the Pyro, or, best of all, an all-class French beret, round sunglasses, and tiny mustache. There’s also a sweet Heavy ‘stache ripped right from Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2. Boy, these allusions get more and more obscure, huh?

Okay, so maybe you’re sick of all these pointless cosmetics that Valve keeps putting out. How about items that actually DO something? You’re in luck because there are more of those, too! Also on the drop list is a Mann Co. Audition Reel. Inside this tin lies one of fifteen new taunts. You might uncrate a head-bump, the Engineer’s relaxation chair, the Medic’s diagnosis, a square dance, or the Soldier’s stoic pose from that one poster. You might get a Rochambeau taunt, letting you and someone else shoot some rock/paper/scissors just like in Portal 2. The best taunt by far is of course the Conga. Anyone who taunts next to a taunting conga dancer will automatically join in and form a dancing line. No matter the team. It’s far more fun that it should be. Just imagine the terror inflicted on your enemies when your whole team emerges from spawn dancing cheerfully. Pure devastation right there. It’s a hell of a sight to see a BLU team capturing a Control Point while in Conga mode.

But it’s not all fun and games out there in the stone quarries of the American southwest. In addition to some silly taunts and goofy hats, the Love & War update actually gave us some new weapons. Shocking, right? We haven’t see any actually new weapons since Christmas of 2012! And here they are!

The Back Scatter (Scout primary): This scattergun sacrifices accuracy and clip size for guaranteed mini-crits (35% extra damage) at the backs of enemies and at close range. I like the idea of this weapon. The Scout already excels at hit-and-run tactics. Get as close to your enemy as possible and deal the most damage before they can react. The Back Scatter should make that easier. It also discourages distance attacking, something all scatterguns suck at.

The Air Strike (Soldier primary): With each kill, this rocket launcher increases its clip size (from three to eight). The cost is -25% damage and -15% explosion area. That setback is a little too much for me. However, I can see the use of something like this when used in tandem with the…

 

The B.A.S.E. Jumper (Demoman and Soldier secondary): This backpack acts as a parachute for the Soldier and Demoman, the two classes that can use explosives to launch themselves across the map. It lets you descend more slowly from any jump, giving you ample time to aim at enemies from above. As of now, I’ve only seen some basic tactics used with this guy. I’m sure before long some players will come up with some insane ideas and totally dominate the playing field. TF2 is a game of area control. And what better way to control ground that by floating above it with a rocket/grenade launcher?

 

The Classic (Sniper primary): Based on the Team Fortress Classic sniper rifle, this weapon charges with the fire button, not by scoping. It does less damage to enemy bodies. Instead, the Classic can only headshot when fully charged. As a concept, I don’t really see the appeal of this one. We already have headshot machines with the Bazaar Bargain and Hitman’s Heatmaker. New sniper rifles that would be cool to add would be ones like the Sydney Sleeper, something that focuses on team game play instead of racking up headshots while camping in the corner.

 

The Tide Turner (Demoman secondary): This is a charging shield like the Chargin’ Targe and Splendid Shield. This one increases resistance to fire and explosions while allowing full turning capability while charging. Kills also refill your charge meter. Would you be able to constantly charge if you ran through a conga line?

There are also a few weapon reskins this time around. They’re just alternate Mad Milk, Jarate, Gloves of Running Urgently, and a Sapper all replaced with cancerous bread monsters. Those reskin weapons are earned by opening a Bread Box (with the possibility of coming out Strange). You can craft a Bread Box by sacrificing three cosmetic items. The Stockpile crates and Audition Reels can be unlocked with Stockpile Keys from the Mann Co. Store or the Steam Community Market.

If you’re a total loser face, you can buy a Love and War Weapons Bundle ($7.99), a Taunts Bundle ($59.99), and a Cosmetics Bundle ($249.99). I guess there a gamers out there with no rent to pay, college loans, food bills, or alimony. Must be nice to be able to drop that kind of money on digital facial hair.

All in all, this is an update with some actual content to it. The Robotic Boogaloo update last summer was disappointing by contrast. This one actually has new weapons that may (given time) actually change how a lot of us play Team Fortress 2. Add on all the weapon changes and we’ve actually got a little breath of fresh air in an online game that hasn’t seen a notable update this year.

Going forward, a lot of people online are suspecting that come Halloween a new game mode will emerge. Now that Miss Pauling has gotten to know the nine mercs better, maybe they will all team up to destroy the enormous bread monsters rampaging through the Administrator’s property. Game mode involving protecting a civilian, perhaps? Even if nothing else comes of this Bread Update, at least we got some fun, useful items and some fun, useless items. There are also a bunch of achievements for people who give a damn about achievements.

Now all we have to do is get that Rare Gamer Mann vs Machine match going.

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